Category: Creep Wear

Jaws Bathing Suit

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Jaws Bathing Suit
I wonder why she’s still single. She has a great body. A beautiful face. I’m sure her personality is great. Maybe it’s the fact that SHE HAS A SHARK coming out of her nether regions thanks to this Jaws Bathing Suit. Bigger boat? I’m not going near that with an aircraft carrier. Yeah, I would pass too.

Nether regions. Heh. Fun word. Does that mean that all of those people in the netherlands are all pu**ies? I’m thinking maybe. I’d have to consult some book learning dude to know for sure. JK Netherlands. You know I love ya. I spent a week there one night in a one horse town where even the horse left.

Scary Leech Halloween Mask

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Scary Leech Halloween Mask
EWWWW! Kill it with fire! But stay away from that unholy mouth with like a million teeth. The detail on this Leech Halloween Mask is amazing. And I should know. I’ve lived with enough of them. Nowadays I live alone, but I still see those leeches in flashbacks.

Those aren’t flashbacks. We call that a mirror. You were the leech.

Fair enough. *Opens mouth full of terrifying sucker-teeth and attaches to your side.* Can I have 5 bucks? By the way, do you have sandwich making stuff in your fridge? I’m starving.

The BatPack

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The Bat Pack
Nanananananana Bat Packkkkk! Every day is free bat-hug day with this batpack. It’s a cross between a stuffed animal, a backpack and a shawl. It has a large pocket and in the lining is a secret pocket. It puts a bat all up in your belfry.

This shizz bat-poop crazy! You’ll always be winging it with this accessory.
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Shark Attack Monster Mask

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Shark Attack Monster Mask
Shark attacks only go two ways. You can either be the one thrashing and getting sliced and diced or you can be the one doing the chomping. I recommend being the shark. Then again, I also recommended Preparation H to that guy at work a few years back just because he was an a**hole! That guy was my boss. He recommended I find other employment. So here I am, finding weird and cool stuff. How’s my blogging? Call 1-800-I-AM-SO-THE-MAN!

Anywho, everyone you approach with this Shark Attack Monster Mask will be afraid you are going to bite their face off. Bonus: It kinda looks like a badass shark/wizard. Be back later. I’m rolling up a new D and D character based on this thing. So what if I have to carry a staff with a sponge-end and water myself every 5 minutes. Gonna call him the Shiz-zard.
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Freddy Krueger Crew Neck Sweater

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Freddy Krueger Crew Neck Sweater
Really digging my new Freddy Krueger Crew Neck Sweater. Never heard of Freddy Krueger, but I bet he’s like one of the top designers. Everyone else is digging my threads too. They’re all checking me out. Eyeing me up as I walk down the street. This sweater goes well with my not-trimmed for like 10 years fingers on my right hand that are sharp as knives. The street sign says I’m on Elm. I hope this Craigslist dude has my stuff and doesn’t kill me.

Hmmm. Not sure why the town is now rounding the corner with pitchforks and torches, but… I’m starting to think they don’t like this shirt.