This Gross Eyeball Pen is nasty. The problem is that it sees everything you write. You won’t have any secrets when you use this pen. You write something it doesn’t like, then it’s gonna eyeball you. It seems to have some festering blisters on it too. Yeah you ugly eyeball pen. I bet you show it a mirror and it wrecks its ugly self. I’m gonna make a special single sunglass for this thing. It will never look cool, but this will help.
Category: Just Plain Weird
Nightmare on Elm Street Playing Cards
One two, Freddy’s raising you. Three four, better bid some more. Five six, and all that stuff, you will die if you call Freddy’s bluff… And that’s a typical game of poker with Freddy. Now you can deal him into any card game thanks to these sweet Nightmare on Elm Street Playing Cards. I got a full house, Freddy high. I got a straight. Straight up killer! I gotta flush. No, really, I forgot to flush when I used the bathroom last time. Be right back.
Alien Head Pillows – Extrater(rest)rial
These Alien Head Pillows are perfect for alien-themed sleepovers. Isn’t Brad dreamy? OMG! What about Chandler? We should do our hair! Then before you know it, you are having a pillow fight and throwing alien heads at each other. Problem is that aliens can see you doing this through your window and they think that you have decapitated a bunch of their friends and are tossing their heads around in a berserker bloodlust rage. You are so getting probed tonight! Like probed deluxe, with all the trimmings. Sometimes intergalactic misunderstandings happen. I’m sure you will all laugh about it later aboard the UFO, while you say don’t make me laugh, my butt hurts too much.
Tushiez Vases Are Herb Garden Holding Butts
So basically these Tushiez Vases Are Herb Garden Holding Butts. Butts that hold herbs or small plants. They are anatomically designed to be the most accurate butts they can be. Except the weiners are missing cuz people lose their shizz when they see a weiner, even if it’s on an old Roman statue. Weiners just aren’t enjoying the kind of popularity they had in ancient times when they were swinging everywhere and knocking into everything like swords. They need better PR. That’s my new company: Weiner PR. Let’s make weiners great again.
I don’t know. Looks like these were based on Cherub butts or something. Hey, can you get me some fresh sage? Sure, but I don’t know how fresh it’s gonna be coming out of this dude’s butt though. Look at ’em all lined up and jostling each other. That guy on the left is all like, hey, stop with the pushies on my tushiez already. No you stop your pushies on my tushiez!
Embroidered Spider Notebook
Use this Embroidered Spider Notebook to write down whatever you want, but I’m gonna use it to write my one man rap play called “One-man Spider Killing Army”. Here’s the theme song:
I’m a one-man spider killing army
Cuz eight legged freaks be tryin’ to harm me.
Black Widow, Brown recluse, I don’t give a f**k.
I spray Raid and Black Flag all over my truck.
Feelin’ kinda woozy when I hit that stop light.
My head hits the dashboard and I say goodnight.
Bugs don’t stand a chance cuz I creep up on ’em like a villain.
Then I raise my boot and I stone cold kill ’em.
They creep up to my club like some VIP
Then they get a hit of some DDT!
It’s gonna be awesome. The rest is a secret. Totally gonna kickstart it.