Category: Just Plain Weird

Horror Book Themed Candles

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Horror Book Themed Candles
It’s been awhile since I sat down with a good book. You know why? Because books aren’t very good at conversation. Also, because books don’t have the internet with built in naughty websites. Books also don’t feed me. There’s actually a lot of reasons now that I think about it. At least now I can enjoy some good books with my candles thanks to these Horror Book Themed Candles.

These decorative candles from FirstEditionCandleCo have a little book attached and you can even use them as bookmarks. They will make your place look all creepy-like. Gotta say though, these are not that original. I created these back in the great fire of 1996 when I last read a book by candle light. The fireman gave me the candle covered book as a souvenir along with a slap to the back of the head.
Read more “Horror Book Themed Candles”

Fruit & Vegetables Carved Into Scary Skulls

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Fruit & Vegetables Carved Into Scary Skulls
Russian artist Dimitri Taykalov has a creepy obsession with skulls. Isn’t that called scoliosis. Nah, that’s something else. Pretty sure that’s something entirely different. He likes to carve fruits and vegetables into skulls. Nothing weird about that right? We all play with out food. Hell, I’ve been known to sit at the table for hours sculpting my mashed potatoes into a cool mountain, but that’s only because of UFOs.

No, Dimitri just loves turning stuff into skulls. Probably because he doesn’t want to eat his fruits and vegetables. I can dig that. Picky eaters usually turn into food artists for that very reason. Kinda like how I have no real skills in life, so I bring you cool and creepy stuff. Keeps me out of the loony bin, puts you one step closer. Isn’t it amazing how our lives all touch each other? Beets me. Lettuce meditate on that for awhile. Let it sink into your melon. Glad I could Pro-duce some humor in your day.
Read more “Fruit & Vegetables Carved Into Scary Skulls”

The Raven Book Umbrella: Get Wet Nevermore

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

The Raven Book Umbrella Get Wet Nevermore
Nevermore! Nevermore! This Raven Book Umbrella is based on Edgar Allen Poe’s book. I think it’s about a bird or something. Now it is an awesome umbrella. Everybody is raven about it! It comes in pretty handy when the weather is for the birds. It’s perfect for those massive storms where you are facing an Edgar Allen Down-Poe. I’m so rocking the wordplay today. And that’s good, cuz you guys have been raven-ous for it. Okay. Okay. I will do the wordplay nevermore. I was just (c)raven some fun.

This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape
This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape. That really ticks me off cuz it made me hungry. If I want a steak made of tape I’ll just let my wife cook tonight. It will taste like chewing on tape, plus it will probably give me a tape worm that I have to feed for like a year while it lays eggs in my gut.

This steak looks pretty realistic and unlike my wife’s it actually looks edible. I’m gonna show her this and tell her that’s what a steak should look like. It shouldn’t look like an off color turkey with atomic acne, all laced up with a shoelace. Damn I’m hungry!

Skull Lip Balm

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skull Lip Balm
Chapped lips? Grab this Skull Lip Balm. It’s the balm. I ain’t giving you no lip… service. I don’t know you that well. See what I did there? All other lip balms seem boring compared to this. Every time you rub it against your lips it will look like you are sampling a tint skulls brains, which I consider a bonus. So moisten those lips on a skull.

The bottom of this lip balm is embossed w/ the quotation: “Be all my sins remember’d” from Hamlet. See, it will help you remember all of your sins too.