Category: Just Plain Weird

The Book of Yeezus: A Book That Celebrates Kanye West

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book of yeezus
The Book of Yeezus is the bible, well, not the entire bible. Who has time for that? It is the book of Genesis, with “Kanye” or “Yeezus” in the place of the word God. “In the beginning Kanye created the heaven and the earth… And Kanye said, Let there be light: and there was light.”

Probably because Kim Kardashian moved her big fat mudflaps out from in front of the lamp. Damn, that badonkadonk could eclipse the twin suns of Tatooine. BUT it would need a landspeeder all to itself. Sadly, it would no longer speed. And it would really be stuck on land.

I would never read this book. I never read the first one, so I don’t know why I would read the reboot. You so silly Hollywood. Plus, I never read anything that isn’t in HD and doesn’t have explody stuff with guns that never hit other people. And I only put the subtitles on because mom’s trying to sleep and my step-dad for the week is all like, “Tell that nerd to lower the volume. It’s a basement, not a frat house. I can hear everything that goes on down there. Now let me rub this all over your sweet sexy body…”

*raises a cheeto to my mouth as I shudder/cry and watch the movie*

Dear Yeezus!

Pee-Wee Herman / Big Lebowski Robot Coin-Op Animated Machines

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pee wee herman fun machine
I know you are, but what am I? Hehe. These Pee-Wee Herman And Big Lebowski Robot Coin-Op Animated Machines are pretty awesome, but super creepy as hell. You have to watch the videos below. It will convince you that hell is a real place, because these animatronics clearly have tormented souls trapped within.

When a quarter is inserted ,a doorbell dings (an actual mechanical chime) ,which wakes up the animated Pee-Wee , and the show begins! I wanted to capture everything Pee-Wee Herman in under 2 minutes,so the first half of his performance features the actual TV theme song to “Pee Wee’s Playhouse” , as the animatronic Pee-Wee moves around and “talks” in sync to the music and flashing lights ! The second half of the program features his famous quotes from the 1985 movie “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure”, and he even does his signature dance to the song “Tequila” ,just like in the movie!

Relaxing on his famous rug in his bathrobe,joint in one hand, White Russian cocktail in the other, animatronic Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski , comes to life ,moving in his apartment and reciting all of his famous quotes from the cult classic movie “The Big Lebowski” as soon as you deposit a coin into this unique machine !
For the second half of the program, The Dude asks you if it’s ok if he can “Do a J” while taking a hit from his joint as one of many memorable songs from the movie plays!! Real smoke pours out of his mouth as he leans back and exhales, and the tip of his “joint” even lights up!The non-toxic smoke smells nice & sweet, like Kahlúa! Far out ,man….far fuc**ng out!
His head is fully animated, and his mouth moves in sync to all the dialog too.
At the end of the program, he even dispenses you a gumball, says good-bye,then goes back to “sleep” as the lights turn off .”Darkness warshed over the Dude – darker’n a black steer’s tookus on a moonless prairie night.”

Check them out below. They are as awesome as they are terrifying.
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Crazy Five-Eyed Dog Sculpture

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creepy five eyed mutant dog
Check out this Crazy Five-Eyed Dog Sculpture. Give me five! Hahaha. I used to have a dog with five eyes and it really isn’t funny. He got old and cost me a friggin’ fortune at Lenscrafters. Finally got him some sweet mirrored sunglasses. He looked like he had a solar panel on his head. I’m just saying, I know what these dogs are like.

Go fetch. He’s like fetch what? I see stuff on both sides of my head and from up above. Human jerk. Dog had so many eyes I named him Mississippi River. Had to add the river because Mississippi only has four I’s. Then he decided to get cataracts. Naturally I had to pay five times the going rate. Then I cried a Mississippi River and told the vet to end my suffering by ending that five eyed freak! I’m still paying for it. TWO eyes people. Have pets with two eyes! Can’t stress that enough.
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Hanging Puffer Fish Lamp

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hanging puffer fish lamp
Nothing is classier than a giant Puffer Fish Lamp hanging from your ceiling. Decorate your home with this porcupine of the sea and always be reminded that it’s toxins can kill you when you take just one bite. It will remind you every time you hit your head on it’s many spikes.

It’s perfect for your underwater themed rooms. All puff, no fluff, just a bunch of spiky stuff. Ow! My head! Ow! My head!
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Weird Baby Doll Head Lamp

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baby doll head lamp
Wow. I knew I shouldn’t have had a kid. I leave ya alone for like five minutes and you have a light bulb in your head and you’re stitched up like a turkey. You are a real dim bulb! Nah. I’m just kidding. This isn’t mine. This is a Weird Baby Doll Head Lamp I found on Etsy. I can see my kid having a light bulb for a head, but not that fancy on/off switch in his belly button. My kid’s would be much bigger because, genetics.

This one is a smart kid though. Can’t figure out how to wear a shirt? Just find mommy’s thread and sew yourself one so you look like a Nike. Hey at least he had plenty of light to work by. Stop playing with your switch junior. No! No! Bad baby! Don’t you dim your light at me.