Category: Just Plain Weird

SPAM Recipes Playing Cards

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http://www.perpetualkid.com/spam-recipes-playing-cards.aspx
SPAM. The magical meat. The more on your plate, the warmer your seat. These SPAM playing cards have recipes on them, so you and the rest of the guys can all make toxic SPAM farts on Poker night while eating SPAM treats.

I got a full house, “SPAM and Pasta Nachos” high.

Royal Flush here, “Baked Apples with SPAM King” is high.

What do you have Bob?

*Bob covers his mouth and runs for the bathroom*

Bob’s got diarrhea.

Me too, but I ain’t whining about it. Hand me another slice of that Lemon SPAM cake would you? These are the best cards ever!

Take A Perfect Butt Selfie With The BelfieStick

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butt selfie
Okay, so you have a mighty fine looking set of butt-cheeks. You could bounce a quarter off those cheeks and get a dime back. So you just gotta get a pic of that sweet cheek-meat and share it on social media. That’s where the Belfie stick comes in handy. It’s a stick that holds your smartphone, so you can get a picture of your badonkadonk and break the Internets. Belfie=Butt Selfie. Enough of this self-ass-ness.

I’m looking forward to the upgrade that adds like 3 feet to the stick, so you can take pictures of those extra wide Walmart shopper type butts. Actually, no. Not looking forward to that. At all. It’s gonna make Facebook walls look like the meat section of your local grocery store. If your grocery store packaged meat in short shorts and tank tops, and it just overflowed out of every side.

The Art Of Eating Through The Zombie Apocalypse

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art of eating through the zombie apocalypse
This book is called The Art of Eating through the Zombie Apocalypse. When the zombie apocalypse happens, we still have to eat, even if all we have left are those M & M’s you found behind the couch, coated in cat hair and ear wax.

This book from Lauren Wilson is part cookbook and part culinary field guide. It has over 80 recipes with food survival tips and dozens of diagrams that show you how to scavenge, forage, and improvise your way to tasty food while walking corpses do their best to kill you.

Spend A Night Getting Drunk With This Guy

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hang out with drunk guy
For $500 you can spend a night on the town, getting drunk with this Darwin award winner. If you are in the Los Angeles area. He has a list of the fun stuff you will do together:

-Human Airplanes
-Human Pyramids
-Drink Beer next to Cars
-Get 86’d from a bar
-Beer Bongs
-Become Friends
-Keg Stands

Check out the last picture below and you’ll see that the “human pyramid” is actually some sort of demonic ritual, where they form some kind of Voltron beast to corner their prey. I have no idea what kind of dark magic is going on there, but the demon in back appears to be holding a dirty diaper in a bag.

So yeah, if hanging out with drunk and demonic forces is your idea of a fun time, go for it, but you and I both know that after he’s done using you in his dark rituals, he’s going to send you home with a free mullet and a peen drawn on your face in permanent marker too.
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Weird Animal Masks

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creepy animal masks
This fall. The Barnyard Boys are back! This is gonna be the heist of a lifetime. Starring Pauly the Pigeon as Peckerhead Paulsy, Charlie Chickensnitch as Cluck Norris and the Horsehead of the Apocalypse as himself. Rated R for sex and violence and drugs and animal on animal crime in the seedy underbelly of Barnyard City.

That’s the movie I would make with these sweet weird animal masks. Either that or you know, just make an ass out of myself in public, but I’ve never needed a mask for that.