Look at the eyes on this creepy little demonic elf night light. You will never sleep again once you are under his hypnotic and terrifying gaze. He is either a demon or an elf version of Iron Man, complete with a light-up arc reactor. You decide. $60 on Ebay.
Click through for a shot of it after dark.
Read more “Creepy Demonic Light-Up Elf Or Awesome Iron Man Elf?”
With this duct tape mask you can become the ultimate DIY villain. Just wear this mask, hang like 6 rolls of duct tape off your utility belt, put a strip of duct tape down the side of each pant leg like Han Solo, and hit the streets. How long do you think it’s going to be before Batman comes for you?
What’s that? You just don’t give a duct? Fair enough. At least allow me to give you a theme song. This is song to the tune of the Duck Tales theme, because I have found that to come in handy for all kinds of made up songs in my life. Here goes:
Do do do do do-to-da do oh Duct Man. Wooo-hooo.
It just repeats like that. I know, brilliant right? Cartoons are awesome. I learned a lot from that show. Scrooge McDuck also taught me that pants are completely optional. Of course the local Five-O taught me different, but that’s another story.
Hey, that’s a good name. Scrooge McDuct!
Maybe a Game of Thrones slogan: For the night is duct and full of terrors…
No? Whatevs. Go duct yourself.
Check out these shrunken heads of Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers and Sam. They aren’t going to be terrorizing anyone now. Not without a tiny body attached to those tiny shriveled heads.
However, I’m sure they still bite. So keep your fingers away from them.
I have a set of these myself. This plate is just like the ones that grandmother used to use. Except this thing will hypnotize you so you do the alien’s bidding. That probably explains why I promptly finish my meal and drop trou, awaiting the grand magnificence of their painal probe.
Hell of a way to end every dinner. Only this last time, I pulled my pants up and only to find divorce papers on the table. The wife has a no butt-cheeks on the table rule. Elbows too.
When you roll into town with a giant pig attached to your tractor, you know you are going to make some serious bank. Don’t forget to stock up on bacon and pork rinds. Greasy spoon? The entire inside of this pig will be greasy as you try to satisfy the hungry lard fueled mob that is America, one town at a time.
The best part is that employees enter through the butt-door. If I owned this, I would make it squeal each time someone entered, so I could go all Deliverance. “Squeal little piggy. Squeal!” Only $165,000.00 from Ebay.
Read more “Slingin’ Hash And Takin’ Cash: Bucko The Pig Concession Stand”