What the hell is that? It’s a friggin’ zombie. Run! No way, I’m gonna smash it’s brains in. *thud* *whack* *crack* Hey, what’s that? Those brains are delicious candy. Holy Jesus on a Jetski! There’s a whole horde of them coming. I don’t know about you, but I’m about to go Trick or Treating all up in this freak show. Let’s hope some of them have some Reeses cups stuck in their neck melon!
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Category: Just Plain Weird
The Toilet Pool Float: No Floaters In The Float Please
Man it’s hot outside. I sure could go for a swim. Too bad I don’t have one of these Toilet Pool Floats. I would totally be the guy who leaves a long curly floater in this thing, then reaches around for the flush as I whirlpool all around and send it in your direction.
At the local pool I’m known as the one man Blue Man group. Get it? That means I also pee in the pool. Basically it’s not safe in the pool. Just stay away if you see me coming.
USDA Approved Meat Coasters
You have to protect your furniture from drinks. Otherwise your wife will slap you silly, grab you by the neck and shove your face in it. That’s what happens around here anyway. So use a coaster. A manly coaster that will show her who the boss is. Like meat!
So after that little “incident” I got some meat from the fridge and slapped it down onto the coffee table. Then slammed my drink into that delicious slab of beef. See? I’m using a coaster! I am the man of this house!
It was a good plan. Until she made me eat it, all raw and bloody. My nerdy muscles could not overcome her. This package of meat coasters might be a better alternative.
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Crazy Werewolf Transformation Mask
Make everyday a full moon with this crazy Werewolf Transformation Mask. You’ll have to provide your own sounds of bones breaking and tendons tearing as you transform and puke up a friggin’ Werewolf snout from your mouth. This sweet mask is just $52 and it will scare the hell out of everybody.
I actually grew up thinking I was a werewolf. Dad used to lock me up in a metal room once a month on the full moon. He told me I was a werewolf and it was for my own good. So I would freak out and claw up the walls, throw my own feces and wonder why I wasn’t all hairy. Then in the morning he let me out. Turns out that was how mom and dad got me out of their way for “date night”.
Mom, why are you walking funny? Did I get out of the cage and hurt you? Yes. Yes you did. You are a bad werewolf boy.
Friendship Is Tragic: Fluttershy My Little Pony Gun
Every pony needs a pistol and if ponies could pack heat, they would be packin’ heat like this Fluttershy gun.
It’s a plastic toy gun that someone painted with a Fluttershy theme. I call it Fluttershot. Don’t get butt-shot with Fluttershot. It’s all about friendship and kindness. Yeah right! When I went to visit Fluttershy in Equestria. I stepped in Fluttersh*t, then got Fluttershot in the butt with this damn gun. I was picking Fluttershot out of my flesh for hours.
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