Tag: accessory

Bat Coin Purse

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Bat Coin Purse
The next time you’re hanging out in the cemetery and you need some change, just reach for your hand dandy bat coin purse that is wrapped around your arm. Why you would need change in a cemetery, I have no idea. Maybe they have vending machines there now. Been awhile since I hung out in graveyards. Too boring. It’s always so dead there. Vending machines would really help. That way you could also just leave coins for the dearly departed in case they need a snack. It wouldn’t be the first time a spirit has wandered aimlessly under the pale moonlight looking for a Baby Ruth. No biggie. I do that in my sleep all the time. Sometimes I actually manage to find one. One time I did wake up clutching a turd in a truck stop restroom though. I probably should curb my hunger.

When I get rich I’m so putting vending machines in cemeteries. They’ll leave the change for their loved ones and I’ll sweep it up every night. Put it in a giant pile and dive in it everyday. I’m so awesome. I love me. Gonna buy me something special when I get rich.
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The Raven Book Umbrella: Get Wet Nevermore

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The Raven Book Umbrella Get Wet Nevermore
Nevermore! Nevermore! This Raven Book Umbrella is based on Edgar Allen Poe’s book. I think it’s about a bird or something. Now it is an awesome umbrella. Everybody is raven about it! It comes in pretty handy when the weather is for the birds. It’s perfect for those massive storms where you are facing an Edgar Allen Down-Poe. I’m so rocking the wordplay today. And that’s good, cuz you guys have been raven-ous for it. Okay. Okay. I will do the wordplay nevermore. I was just (c)raven some fun.

Skull Lip Balm

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Skull Lip Balm
Chapped lips? Grab this Skull Lip Balm. It’s the balm. I ain’t giving you no lip… service. I don’t know you that well. See what I did there? All other lip balms seem boring compared to this. Every time you rub it against your lips it will look like you are sampling a tint skulls brains, which I consider a bonus. So moisten those lips on a skull.

The bottom of this lip balm is embossed w/ the quotation: “Be all my sins remember’d” from Hamlet. See, it will help you remember all of your sins too.

Vampire Costume For Babies

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Vampire Costume For Babies
This Vampire Costume For Babies will turn your little bundle of joy into a well dressed blood sucker. College usually does the same thing, but why wait? You won’t believe your little ray of sunshine after you put this on him. He’ll be drinking from a blood red bottle, adverse to sunlight and may even turn into a bat as he escapes his huggies. What a cute little scamp-pire.

Until he tries to bite your neck at feeding time. It’s all good though. Could be worse. He could be the Wolfman. Baby Wolfmen leave hair everywhere. And whole chicken carcasses.

The Toothpaste Purse

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The Toothpaste Purse
This toothpaste purse is way better than the one I made. That will be $8.39 sir. I think I have some change. Here we go. Never mind all of the goo. That’s just Crest, I promise. It will keep your cash register minty fresh. *Puts toothpaste purse back in my pocket. Sees the gooey white mess all over my pants.* That’s not good. This situation has a police car ride all over it. This is why I never DIY, cuz I DIW(Do It Wrong). No, don’t call the manager. I’ll put the condoms back. See, this isn’t weird at all.