This Stained Glass Black Bat Night Light will put a bat up in your belfry. Sorry, that sounds like something dirty that Dracula would say. I vant to suck your blood. Then I vould like to put some bats in your belfry because you are a good looking woman.
Say, what is Dracula’s advice for not getting depressed by living a crazy long life on the night shift? Very simple. B positive.
The bats in the belfry and the silver spoon… I think I have that song wrong. Whatevs. I saw these sexy bat stockings and thought of you. You know who you are. That sexy sultry creepbay reader just laying on the sofa in a super model pose, wondering what the crazy creepbay writer will say next. I thought you would look lovely in these. You’ll like them so much that you will send me some fan mail. We’ll laugh. We’ll cry. *shhhhh. Just let me continue.* We will be swept away in emotion….
Then we would have a blind date and I would find out that you are a 600 man wearing sexy bat stockings and stretching them to their limit. You tell me how much you love the website and I puke in my mouth. Then on the table. Then the waiter would ask the two fat guys sitting awkwardly in silence for their order. I would excuse myself and escape. Then go home and cry.
Yeah, so let’s keep things professional here. I just thought you gals would like these. No need to thank me. No need for fan mail. *Shudders. Drinks some alcohol. Pukes a little.* We’re all just friends here.
I’m Batman! No, really. Why won’t anyone believe me? I have the kick-ass Bat ring and everything. Geesh guys. Next time save yourselves. I knew I needed an entire costume, but I was trying to be different. Also cheap. Do you know how much capes cost these days? Just get a ring, I said. It will be a new superhero phenomenon I said. Nope. Not so much.
Well, my super career may be over, but at least I have this sweet bat ring. It’s super cool and batty in my belfry! HAHAHAHAAHHAH Oh man. I think I may be the joker!
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Hey ladies! Carry all of your lady stuff in this Metallic Dark Purple Bat Purse. *Removing my arms from my shirt sleeves and putting them into my shirt. Flapping away like crazy and making bat noises as I try to escape.* Just call me Bat-Dini! Who? No not Houdini. And not Who-dini either. That’s an owl thing I do when I’m bored in bed.
Anyway, this awesome bat purse is awesome. Flappin’ awesome. Like wing flappin’ and teeth sinking into your neck awesome. Make sure you carry it upside down during the day, cuz it needs sleep.
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appendageaccessories sells all kinds of cool animal masks, which are perfect for your secret animal identities. I know I have a secret identity when I sleep. I wear the Pug dog mask. He goes by the name of Pugsy Malone and likes to chew on old shoes and pee in corners and play humpy time with stuffed animals. Until the wife hits me with rolled up newspaper. That’s how I know it’s time to actually sleep. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I get the rest of my life when I wear that mask.
Sometimes I’m the cat and I stay up all night meowing, with the occasional poop and pee in a box, only to wake up and find that my keys and wallet were in there.
Read more “What the Pug?: Crazy Animal Sleep Masks”