There’s something on me. Get it off! Get it off! What is it? Oh it’s cute. In the way all things are cute after it’s flesh has vaporized. Look at this Sterling Silver Bat Skeleton Necklace. It’s adorable. Look at him feeding from that woman’s neck. He ain’t gonna stop until she’s completely dry. He’s a little Vampire bat. Who’s the cute wittle vampire wampire bat? He just wants to hug. Hug and suck the life force out of you.
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Tag: bat
Gothic Bat Necklace
Even if you don’t know much about fashion and style, you can always wing it with this Gothic Bat Necklace. Get it? Wing it? Oh, this would look lovely on you Morticia. You too Elvira. Yeah, so what if I’m a name dropper? Once I dropped my friend Jennifer’s name. Broke a few letters. Now she’s just Jen. No, not Jenny from the block. Jenny the checkout girl from the store down the street. Nah, she doesn’t work the register. I just like to check her out. Well, not like a library book or anything. She doesn’t have time and date stamps down her spine from me checking her out.
Oh man, I get so off track after like 4 cups of coffee. Also after some D cups. Any size really. Damn, I’m really tweakin’ here guys. Off track like a wrecked race car. Okay, calm down. I can do this. *Takes a deep breath.*
Basically I’m trying to say that this Bat Necklace is awesome. It’s the bees knees. The bat’s knees. Bat-knee. Is that bat acne? I have no guano idea.
I’m out. Gonna go run around the house and scream until I feel normal again.
Gold Gilded Bat Necklace
Sweet! A Gold Gilded Bat Necklace. I’ve read all of the folklore, researched every legend surrounding this artifact. Now it’s mine. *Moves my hands like Indy trying to judge the weight of the golden idol.* OW! Damnit! Hurt my hand reaching into the screen, trying to snatch it.
Seriously though, the legend of the Gold Gilded Bat Necklace goes way back to Bab-Bologna-ian times. It was first worn by Bertha Batty Butt, bat-nosed Queen of a long forgotten dynasty. She ruled with an iron fist, a big butt and an army of bats, who also had big butts. It impaired flight. Probably why her rule was so short.
See, it’s not always about me being stupid. Sometimes you learn stuff.
Taxidermy Bat Candelabra
This Taxidermy Bat Candelabra is perfect for your haunted house. What? Everybody doesn’t have one? Mine’s been haunted for ages. By me. Sometimes my guests see a hazy green vapor that looks like ectoplasm and it is accompanied by a horrible stench. And the terrible groaning! Well, that’s what I get for eating the Burger King Black Whopper.
Back to the candelabra. It belongs in my batcave. But first I have to walk through like a mile of guano and clear it with the Elder bat. So I think I’ll pass.
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This BatCape Poncho Makes You The Head Bat Honcho
This BatCape Poncho says I am a creature of the night and don’t I look fabulous?
Yes. Yes you do. Now stop prancing around in that thing and let’s go fight crime already! *Looks down at my leotard, elf shoes and boy shorts.* Why did I have to be Robin again? Oh yeah, that’s right, it looked like a pregnant bat when I wore it. Now I just look like a pregnant elf. *Punches one gloved hand into the other!* Let’s do this thing!
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