Tag: bat

These Bat Shower Towels Are Bat-Tastic

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bat Shower Towels
I don’t know about you, but I feel kinda batty when I get out of the shower. So I’m gonna dry off with these cool Bat Shower Towels. That way I can lay off the bats that usually flap their wings and hold the towel for me when I come out of the shower. They were getting uppity anyway. I heard squeaks that they were forming a union and looking for actual pay in the form of food. Also, there will be a lot less bat-s*it all over my bathroom floor. Also less visits to the doctor for rabies shots. It’s a good call.

You know what else is a good call? Following us on Facebook so you never miss anything.

Black Bat Gemstone Pendant

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Black Bat Gemstone Pendant
This Black Bat Gemstone Pendant looks pretty awesome. Give it as a gift to someone you are batty about. It is so classy and so batty that I’m squealing like a bat. Really I am, you just can’t hear me. You also can’t smell that fresh load of guano I just unleashed cuz I was so excited and couldn’t contain my bat-bowels. No worries, I promise to re-enact the whole thing when this blog goes VR and smell-o-vision, which will probably be about 2025. Wooo-hooo! I have at least that long to go without deodorant before anyone notices. Hey, why do all the house plants keep dying? Just one of life’s mysteries I guess.

Follow us on Facebook while you wait for 2025!

Scary Sexy Bat Hair Bow Clip Is So Sexy

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Sexy Bat Hair Bow ClipI love a girl with bats in her belfry. Crabs in her crabshack, not so much cuz you need special creams and stuff to stop the itching. But yeah, this Bat Hair Bow Clip looks sexy. Like you are a servant of some vampire. I’ll let ya bite my neck just as long as you leave a hickey, so everyone can see proof that I scored or almost scored. And that moment when you grab this bat hair bow and let it loose? Letting your hair flow down as you shake it free? Oh man. I am so turned on right now. Then the bat will fly off and we will live happily ever after. You’ll nag me about my healthy eating of course and my drinking at 5 AM, and the donuts, not to mention the fact that I just lay there scratching and farting and don’t look for a job, but I know we are going to be so happy together. That’s why I got you this ring. I love you. Was that too soon? Should I have waited?

Follow us on Facebook so you never miss any of the weirdness. Yeah, it gets weird up in here.

Bury Your Stuff In This Coffin Crossbody Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Coffin Crossbody Bag
It is better to wear a Coffin Crossbody Bag than to be in one. That’s my motto. Plus you get to make all kinds of funny jokes to your friends like: “This is where all of the bodies are buried”. That’s a real knee-slapper there. This leather bag is perfect for a night out on the town or a night traipsing through a cemetery. It’s a tomb for your lipstick and stuff. A mausoleum for your makeup. A resting place for the supplies for your face.

Gothic Black Bat Wings Backpack

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Gothic Black Bat Wings Backpack
I’m gonna store all of my Red Bull in this Gothic Black Bat Wings Backpack. You know why? Cuz Red Bull gives you wings! Well, sure diabetes too, but wings aint bad. Gonna strap this thing on and run real fast so those wings flap in the breeze while I squeak like a bat, even if that is just my asthma. It’s gonna be so cool. I’m a bat out of hell baby! Then I’ll jump off the roof and either fly or be a puddle of Red Bull on the sidewalk.