Man, I love this skeleton hands bra. What? No, not for myself. Girls just look so sexy when old and decrepit bones are holding up their fun bags. Ask any gold-digger. Too bad I don’t know someone who bought this, cuz I would totally paint my hands all black with realistic bones and just cup them stealthily from behind until I got caught and eventually incarcerated. Now do you see why I don’t have anyone of the fairer sex in my life? It’s cuz I’m a real class act! True that!
Fairer sex! Pfft! If they’re so fair, why don’t any of them give me a chance?
Ummm. No. Not interested in anyone wearing this. And I’m as nerdy as they come, collecting my star wars vehicles. Nerdy as a box of Nerds candy and twice as sweet, but no way. Just no. Cuz any woman wearing this is a man baby! How do I know? They call 3PO Goldenrod in the movies for a reason. Well maybe I might be interested. You would have to call me R2 and let me access your data with my robot interface stick. I can roleplay with the best of them. Especially when all I’m saying is beep bloop bippity bleep.
You would say stuff like. “Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating a C-3PO bra and actually getting it off is approximately 3,720 to 1.” Then I’ll say, “Never tell me the odds.” Of course I’ll get it off and then my erectile dysfunction would kick in and you would say, “The chances of satisfaction are 725 to 1. Actually Artoo has been known to make mistakes… from time to time… Oh dear…”
Nah. Too much work. I can just sit here and blog feeling defeated without all that hocus pocus. Droid boobs are overrated and I’m not buying anything second hand from a Jawa. Are those C cups? Makes sense C-3PO=C cups.
Gravity is a Biatch! Sometimes you need a little help. Like from this Hooter Hoister Power Lift Bra. It helps hoist your hooters just like the package says.
Say, I wonder if they make this for pizza/beer gut. Right now I’m using a sophisticated pulley system with suspenders. Let me know if any of you guys have any solutions. Besides the obvious, which is “stop being a fat ____!” I already heard that one. Many times.
This French Fry Bustier Bra Top is awesome. Although these must be those flat cut steak fries. Clearly she didn’t say, “Super-size me!” and ordered a small.
Oddly, I have the urge to dump a basket of fries into a metal tray, salt it all up, scoop it all up in that metal minimum wage shovel that McDonalds workers use and slide them right down the middle of her fry-holder. But I’m weird like that.
Thanks for making me hungry fry-girl. Fry-girl is like a dream come true. She’s salty, hot and leaves me wanting more.
Etsy seller JamesKelleysShop offers some unique coin purses that are made out of women’s bras. These over the shoulder boulder holders will hold coins, make up, your ID, everything but baby milky snacks. James is clearly a bro that loves bras. As are we all. Looking for something a little bigger to hold your tablet? Tough titty.
Don’t be a boob, carry your most important accessories the same way women carry theirs.
Pro tip: Can be used as an awesome and effective slingshot when needed. Put a rock in it and hit some dude on the head so he grows a nipple on his scalp. No, don’t do that bra. I mean bro!
