Tag: death

Grim Reapers and Roses Framed Mirror

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Grim Reapers and Roses Framed Mirror
I always look grim in this mirror. Don’t know why. Must be the lighting. More likely, it’s the two Grim Reapers on this Grim Reapers and Roses Framed Mirror. Damn, I thought Guns N Roses knew how to rock, but they are nothing compared to Grim Reapers and Roses. Their concerts are to die for, cuz people are dying to get in. Anywho, enjoy admiring yourself in this Gothic archway of death.

Don’t be scared though. The seasons don’t fear the Reaper. Nor do the wind, sun and the rain. So you shouldn’t either. Go ahead and knock on that mirror. Ya know why?

Cuz you’ll be knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door! Or hell maybe. Death’s door.

Memento Mori Gothic Death Candles

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Memento Mori Gothic Death Candles
Look daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings! Oh yeah? Well every time I light one of these Memento Mori Gothic Death Candles someone dies. Apparently. And also an angel gets it’s wings ripped off. Apparently. I have no proof. These candles will set a macabre mood. You can choose from: Gothic Grim Reaper, Macabre Death Gothic, Tempus Fugit With Skull and Memento Mori Gothic Candle. But I could talk about these candles for hours. Stop me before I wax poetic. Get it? Wax? Tough crowd!

The Hour Is Nigh – Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Unicorns

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

The Hour Is Nigh - Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Unicorns
If it isn’t the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Unicorns! Collect the whole set. Behold, four horrific unicorns: Death, Famine, Pestilence, and War. Not sure, but I think these may be knock-offs cuz I don’t see any cutie marks on their butt. Oh that’s- Nevermind. My bad. Also, I noticed you call them horsemen, but they don’t appear to be horses that look like men. They also don’t have riders. Also, they are unicorns. So what gives?

I’m gonna pit them against each other and save the world! Pestilence can kill War with a plague, Famine can kill Pestilence, Death will kill Famine and… Holy unicorn crap! There’s just no way to beat Death!

Okay, I can do this. Gotta get my head in the game. Instead Famine kills death… But wait, he’s death. How do you kill death? There must be a way to solve this riddle. Start again. Start again. Damn, changing up the order doesn’t work. It’s always death! Death! Death! *Screams, then collects myself with some deep breaths*

Oh well, looks like we are all screwed. I tried! I really tried guys! Death is just too powerful. Hey, at least none of them are named taxes. Am I right?

Ornate Coffin Mirror

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ornate Coffin Mirror
Step up to the Ornate Coffin Mirror and have a gander. See who is resting in peace. Spoiler alert. It’s you! It’s always gonna be you. And since you are going to die one day, this mirror tells the future. Unless you choose to be cremated. Then you’ll just show up as a blurry ashy shape in the mirror. What a thrill, to wake up and look into a coffin every morning and see your own fugly face of mortality staring back at you. Makes you feel alive. Also depressed.

Memento Mori Mourning Ring

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Memento Mori Mourning Ring
Do you know what Memento mori means? I had to look it up, cuz you know, 3rd grade education here. It means “remember that you must die”. I was like, okay thanks for the advice. And to you? Remember that you must get a fist to your face! Remind me about my mortality will you? Anyway, this Memento Mori Mourning Ring can be worn in morning and in mourning. Anytime you like actually. Anytime you feel like you need a big old fly on your knuckle with a skull on it’s butt. It looks like the Hell’s Angels of flies.

He’s all like, “A picnic? Let me land on your hot dog. have a look at my big old badonkadonk skull! Enjoy the plague!”