Tag: decor

Krampus In A Stocking Christmas Decoration

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Krampus In A Stocking Christmas Decoration
Krampus In A Stocking! Sounds like something I would say when I stub my toe. Krampus in a stocking that hurts! Usually, I just say, “Santa in a sh*t house!” Look at him all hanging out of his stocking, tongue out like Gene Simmons. He even has a bag of Krampus coal if you’ve been really bad. Looks like he’s really licking that beard. Must have left some food in there at dinner. Happens to me all the time.

Dude is crazy. This will probably piss Santa off big time if he sees this hung from your mantle. Maybe the real Krampus will appear and they will fight to the death. If Krampus wins you get all of the gifts in Santa’s sleigh. If Santa wins, you are screwed because you were celebrating with a false deity.
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Deck The Halls With Ugly Christmas Ornaments

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Ugly Christmas Ornaments
Damn son, you gots some ugly Christmas ornaments. SoUglyitsCuteCrafts has all kinds of ugly Christmas ornaments to ugly up your Christmas tree. Normally, I just throw my own turkey leg on the tree, but now I don’t have to. There’s also an ugly pickle, ugly Santa hats and ugly poop. Why spend all day beating your tree with an ugly stick when you can just buy these ornaments. The ugly stick takes a while to work. Trust me on that one.

In my case it took 9 months in the womb. But that ugly stick may have just been my dad still doing the nasty after mom was pregnant. Whatever it was, it was scary. Left me ugly too. No wonder I’m so messed up. Thanks dad.

You ornaments are nasty. U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi, You ugly. You ugly.
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Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters

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Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters
Check out these cool Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters art prints from QuietRoomBears. These things are crazy for Coacoa Puffs. Seriously, the Coacoa Puffs bird is in a straight jacket. You know why. Cuz he’s crazy for Coacoa Puffs. Me? I’m horny for Honeycombs. Not that anyone asked. TMI? Sorry.

They have several, all based on different cereals, showing the monster that your kid becomes after they have been sugared up by each one. I used to become a monster after eating crazy amounts of Sugar Smacks. I was a 5 year old just smacking the hell out of anyone. I didn’t even care. A two foot tall kid smacking beings 5 times as tall. I would be all like, “Hey Mister, c’mere. Bend down so I can whisper something.” *SMACK* No sugar with that smack biatch! DIG ‘EM!

Stuff is like crack. I had to go off cereal for like a year. Court ordered.
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Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Holiday Horror Wreath

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Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Holiday Horror Wreath
This Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Holiday Horror Wreath reminded me that I had a dream about Freddy last night. He was showing me his phone and he’s all like, “Dude, friend me on Facebook.” I was like, “Okay.” Then I had to watch him swipe his phone with his claws and slash my Facebook face for like a million times. It was horrible. I was his only Facebook friend too. Okay, I admit it, he was my only FB friend.

Anyway, this wreath lets you know you have arrived on Elm Street. It’s not so travelers have a fresh set of clothes and can instantly become a supernatural murderer with poor fashion sense.

Skelly Claus Holiday Skeleton Ornament Set

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Skelly Claus Holiday Skeleton Ornament Set
What the skell man! This Skelly Claus Holiday Skeleton Ornament Set has attitude. No really. I get the feeling that it would flip me off if it was still connected to a middle finger. I don’t think he likes me. You get 3 of these grumpy skeleton heads in the set, which is 3 times the heads on my tree that won’t like me on Christmas morning.

C’mon Skelly, don’t be like that. It’s not like I made fun of your name and called you smelly. Or pointed out that your body is missing. You’re a real headcase ya know that? Let’s sing some Christmas songs k?

“I really can’t stay – Baby it’s skulled outside. I’ve got to go away – Baby it’s skulled outside.” Maybe that was a bad choice. We should put on a concert, but maybe not. I know you’re concerned about scalpers… Zing! Burn baby!

Starting to see why ya don’t like me now. I’m kind of an A-hole.