Tag: ebay

Weird Art: Fat Elvis in Blue Footy Pajamas, Hanging With The Rolling Stones

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

elvis artThere are so many untold stories in Rock and Roll. Sex, drugs and rock and roll baby! Take fat Elvis for example. He knew how to let it all hang out. Literally. Problem was, he couldn’t get it back into his jumpsuit, so it had to hang out. There was a point where he could sing about Blue Suede shoes, but gone were the days when he could see his own feet.

Then there was that time he was partying with the Rolling Stones and spent the whole night wrestling his gut back into his clothes. In a bathroom with a blue toilet and a door, but no wall. This $955. painting captures the moment for posterity.

Realistic Hand Lamp Rockin’ A Kung-Fu Grip

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

hand lampLook at all of the detail on this very literal “hand lamp”. It has pores and even little hairs. I’m pretty sure there are hairs on the palm too, since it is rocking that manly grip so tight. The seller should have called it “The Handy.”

It will take a real handy dude to install this light fixture. I’m just not sure if they take on hand jobs like that. Thank you. I’ll be here all week, wondering why I’m still single. It may be my choice of interior lighting.

Click through for more images.
Read more “Realistic Hand Lamp Rockin’ A Kung-Fu Grip”

Ultimate Golfer Side Table With Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

golfer table lampOh Ebay. Does your craziness know no bounds? No. It obviously does not. This bit of geriatric-inspired furniture is a $75 Golfer table lamp. The bottom part looks just like any old timer wiling away his retirement, while the top gives you a view of the green.

If it starts walking toward me, I’m clubbing it with it’s own golf club. Just saying. Where I come from, if you see pants like those approaching you, you yell stranger danger real effin’ loud, otherwise you end up in the back of a van sucking on a lolipop, singing row-row-row-your-boat with funny pants man at the wheel, as tears stream down your face.

Happened to me just last week, but never again! I buy my candy like everyone else now.
Read more “Ultimate Golfer Side Table With Lamp”

Not Sure Who To Cheer For: Jason Vorhees VS Jaws Diorama Statue

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

jason vs jawsThis custom diorama depicts the epic struggle that is Jason VS. Jaws. Jason is firmly in the Jaws…of Jaws. He is also busy carving out an eye and somehow still has his mask on. The shark is all like, just give me some of the sweet serial killer om nom nom.

This lovely piece is just $250. from Ebay. Phaw! I could take that shark. I mean, if I had the money, I would take it. What are you crazy? I’m not going up against some shark in a fist fight. I have to run away each time I sprinkle fish food in my aquarium, which explains that mound of fish flakes on the floor. Say, do you think there’s a connection between that and the tendency of my fish to just give up and do a death-float the surface?

Nah. Probably just sick when I bought ’em.
Read more “Not Sure Who To Cheer For: Jason Vorhees VS Jaws Diorama Statue”

Super Size Me: Fat Bastard Toilet Paper Roll

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fat bastard toilet paperWhen you take a Brawny sized dump, you need a Brawny sized roll of Toilet Paper. Or to quote Fat Bastard himself, “I’m not kiddin’. I’ve got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it’s SQUIDGY. Christ, I’m gettin’ all emotional from it, ya know?”

A wide and very wise man. If you find yourself in the stall next to his foul stench, don’t even ask, because he doesn’t have an 11 inch square to spare.