Wow. Zombie Toilet Paper Art Sculpture. I don’t know anything about art, but I know what I like. And this ain’t it. I had no idea that ZP was such a problem, but apparently the torn anuses and tattered taints of a thousand victims tell another story. No way. If this is all I have, I ain’t wiping. I’ll just have mud-butt thank you.
Beware the wiping dead. Squeeze the Charmin? This Charmin squeezes you! With teeth!
I love you guys. And to show you, here’s some I Love The Poop Out Of You Toilet Paper. I really do you know. Glad to help you evacuate your colon. This is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for anyone, because we all have to poop. I know that I want others to think about me every time they wipe.
It’s functional. It’s thoughtful. It gets your butt clean. Give them chocolates to make them poop and then give them the gift of wiping. Like my dad used to say to my mom, “Here’s something for your mouth and something for your butt. Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Measuring Tape Toilet Paper is a great way to gauge how well your pooper is workin’. Are you wiping a two inch streak or a ten inch streak. Find out with this handy dandy toilet paper. It’s great for boredom while pooping too. You can measure body parts, the nearby window, your schmeckel, whatever. Then when you are all pooped out, wipe yourself and measure your skid mark if you want. I ain’t gonna stop ya.
It’s easy to get a long skid mark if your colon can’t put on the brakes and pinch that loaf clean. Yay! I win! Anyway you’re supposed to measure twice and poop once. Thrice on taco night.
This Diarrhea Toilet Paper reminds me that the only dance I can do is the cha cha. As in Diarrhea cha cha cha. It has funny diarrhea phrases all over. Which beats having actual diarrhea all over it. I just like typing diarrhea. Cha cha cha.
Use it for those special occasions. Like when you actually have diarrhea. Might cheer you up.
I’ve been grunting and groaning for like an hour here. Even completed like 3 crossword puzzles. Time to wipe. Wanna lend me a tentacle here Cthulhu? Ah, thanks bud. You take good care of me. You’ve seen things in this room that would shock lesser beings, but you always come through.
This Tentacle Toilet Paper Roll Holder is ready to serve up butt-paper whenever you need it. I like to shake his tentacle after, just out of respect. Give it a little fist bump, followed by an explosion. I like it. He complains that I didn’t wash my hands first. He’s got a point.