Tag: etsy

Scary Stories Throw Blanket

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Stories Throw Blanket
I’m under my Scary Stories Throw Blanket and ready for my scary stories right now. Which one of you is ready to read? You know the drill, I hide under the blanket, fall asleep within 5 minutes and you get to watch a wet spot slowly appear like a specter from my nether region. I know, I’m a real catch. I’m the scariest story. Ask any mother. Hell, ask anybody.

This blanket is inspired by the actual Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark book and will keep you warm while stories are being told. It’s a throw blanket so just throw it anywhere and everywhere. Toss it here and toss it there. Toss it everywhere. Toss your salad underneath. If you have a throw blanket you’re required to throw it like 10 times a day. It’s in the name. And I’m pretty sure that is federal law. All I know is that this is enough to get the “wet” out from the nightmare stories of the night before, but that’s just me. And hey, if dark mermaids are more your thing, check out this Mermaid Skeleton Blanket. It is pretty sexy and like totally goth and will look amazing in your home.

Ball of Worms – With Realistic Slime

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Ball of Worms - With Realistic Slime
Goodness gracious, great ball of worms. Throw these things back and forth and have a ball. Or a worm. It’s not a ball of wax, it’s not a ball of fun. It’s a great big ball of ewww! A ball of ick and ack, a ball that is whacked. Writhing worms, now with realistic slime coating. You could make one yourself by collecting worms from the dirt and compacting them into a nasty slimy ball, but it will always SPLAT on impact and that’s never pretty. Especially if you get hit upside the head. That’s how you get an ear worm.

These balls have all the yuck and none of the guts. They worm my heart. *You got balls kid!* Thanks, they’re full of worms. *Uh, okay, now get the hell away from me boy* Actually it takes real balls to display these things in your home. For real. And for some reason I never ever want to eat pasta again. I wonder why. I prefer these caterpillar babies.

Custom Furby Dolls – A Nightmare Evolved

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Custom Furby Dolls - A Nightmare Evolved
These are some creepy dolls. Don’t be fooled by Etsy shop PlushieCouture‘s cute name. Within their shop, you will find nightmares of the Furby variety. Like these Custom Furby Dolls. These are pure nightmare fuel. I thought run-of-the-mill(mouth) Furby’s were scary, but they are nothing compared to these hell-spawned creatures. Things get so much scarier when you put a Furby’s face on another body. Check out the shop and never sleep again if you have this toy in the house. Any of these toys. I know that I’m not sleeping any time soon. No way.

They have robot versions, worms, birds, Woody from Toy Story, He-Man, cats, gorillas, and more. There’s a custom Furby for everyone. These people love being Dr. Frankenstein to these creatures. All with that creepy Furby face that instills fear into the hearts of men. I’m actually cowering in a corner and crying as I write this. I can’t unsee it. So I share my terror with you. You’re welcome. We are all doomed. To be fair, crying in the corner is not unusual for me. Is it weird that I find that lady Furby above kinda sexy? Be honest, I know I have problems.

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Nosferato Vampire Figurine

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Nosferato Vampire Figurine
Damn son. This Nosferato Vampire Figurine needs to be on my castle shelf now! As the kids say, this thing looks sick. He’s just waking up from a long nap, wiping the cobwebs off his head, shaking that stake out of his chest, and stretching his wings. He’s looking a little gaunt. Get this dude some blood stat! That means right away people. Let’s go! We have a dry vampire here. We need plasma now. Speaking of vampires, check out this Vampire Heart Necklace. Because we all heart vampires. You know you love them. I’ve seen your I heart vampires bumper sticker. It’s cool, I have one too. Give this Nosferato Vampire Figurine a home.

Nosferatu
Goes by Ross Feratu

Sleeping in da day
Partying at night

If you tussle with this mother***ker
You know he gonna bite!

Word!

Ouija Board Throw Blanket

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ouija Board Throw Blanket
This Ouija Board Throw Blanket is cool and all, but every time I lay down and cover myself with it, people rub planchettes all over me. That part feels like a nice massage, until they start talking to spirits and the spirits start coming out from under the blanket and invading the room. Tickles like hell (not so bad in some areas) and now I have all these spirits flying around the room. Then I have to wave the blanket around the room and collect them all again like an effin Pokemon hunter. Get back in the blanket. Man this is tiring. I’m like a bullfighter over here. I just want to go to bed. Remind me to hide all of those planchettes. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t use a Ouija Board Throw Blanket to keep warm. I should probably check my Ouija Board Cutting Board too. I bet the kitchen is trashed. Why? Why do I collect these things? Hey, if I send a spirit board through this blanket and into the other realm, will the universe implode? That might be an interesting experience. If I can’t get them all back into this blanket we are all going to hell! You hear me?