Tag: etsy

Beetlejuice Rotary Phone

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Beetlejuice Rotary Phone
This Beetlejuice Rotary Phone will be ringing off the hook as BJ tries to get in touch with you and make you say his name three times. I’m not falling for that again. I just refer to him as BJ these days, but it’s causing some trouble in my life.

*Looking at action figures at a flea market.* See anything you like? *Eyes the Michael Keaton figure.* Yeah, how about that BJ? *SMACK* What the deuce lady! Oh I get it. Sorry.

*Planning a romantic evening with a hot babe* Wanna watch a movie? Sure, which one? I’m thinking something in an extended directors cut. Soooo, maybe a really long BJ. That might be nice. *SLAP* Hey stop clawing my arms up and kicking me. Fine we can watch a romantic comedy! Damn.

Yeah, I really have to come up with a better name for you know who.
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Arachno-Crafts: Spiderweb Skulls

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Arachno-Crafts Spiderweb Skulls
Spiders are making skulls now guys! These Spiderweb Skulls are some real web-heads. I’ve heard that if you sit real still, while a spider is on your head, this can happen. The spider is basically 3D printing your head. These come in black and white. Pretty cool.

No, not really. Just the thought is creepy as hell. If you ever go outside and see a spider web in the shape of a skull, run. Don’t look back. Just run and never stop until you get to another state or country. Hopefully a place where they know how to kill spiders. Then alert the authorities about the web, so they can destroy it before the spider turns it into a full fledged skeleton. Because once something like that gets animated through black-spider magic, there’s no stopping it. It’s just a web skeleton piloted by a spider sitting in the cranium area, snacking on a fly, walking through our neighborhoods. Creeping us all the hell out. Before you know it, they take over the world and create a nightmare World Wide Web of darkness and destruction. *Shudders* It can happen. Are you ready?
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Jesus And Germs Soap Dispenser

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Jesus And Germs Soap Dispenser
This Jesus And Germs Soap Dispenser says that we have to wash our hands and say our prayers because Jesus is everywhere. True that. He’s especially in those big buildings with the stained glass and pointy tops. Oh yeah, they’re called churches. Well if Jesus wanted me to wash my hands, he wouldn’t have turned all of that water into wine. That means he wants me to wash my hands with wine. Which means that wine is great for washing my insides free of germs and sin. Which in turn, is why I drink from my dad’s wine bottles and then top them off with vinegar. Last night my dad got real drunk, but smelled all feminine fresh.

Anywho, Jesus is everywhere. Even on this blog, shaking his head, but laughing at my antics. Dude loves me. I can get away with anything. Except for that hooker and the trunk full of blow incident last year. Trust me, Moses and the burning bush reads a whole new way after God smites you with a mega STD with crabs piled on top.

Awesome Tattoo Art Prints

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Awesome Tattoo Art Prints
Sweet! Look at all the cool ink I just got. Syke! For my wall, not my body. I would never get a tattoo. My body is a temple. One that worships, twinkies, ding-dongs and ho-hos. Actually, I tried to get a tattoo once, but I kept passing out just looking at the selection book. The guy was all like, “Do you have narcolepsy?” And I was all like, “No, I’m cool dude. I ain’t gonna rat you out.”

These Awesome Tattoo Art Prints from ParlorTattooPrints won’t hurt a bit. Tattoo your home with all of these creepy/cool monsters and horror movie icons. Now I can be cool and say I have a bunch of tattoos. *BAM* Sorry, I just passed out thinking about it.
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Freddy vs Jason Mask

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Freddy vs Jason Mask
You know, I like Freddy. I also like Jason. But these guys are two-faced. This Freddy vs Jason Mask proves it. Secretly they’re the same guy, doing like twice the murders we thought they were doing. What other conclusion can you come to? This reminds of the other night when I ordered half pepperoni on a pizza. You got a pizza face Freddy! I don’t even care if you slip into my dreams. It has to be said. Now it’s out there. I hope I made you cry.

You made me cry Freddy. The last time you invaded my dreams. I cried for like a week. Giving me a wedgie with underwear that was giant trampoline material and throwing me up and down all night really sucked! *sniff* You really hurt me Freddy. Don’t show up tonight when I close my eyes. I’m gonna need some time. *Sniffle*