Tag: etsy

Crocheted Skull Scarf

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Crocheted Skull Scarf
This Crocheted Skull Scarf lines your neck with a row of soft skulls, like you’re some savage wearing the skulls of other people. People made of crochet, who your people have no doubt wiped out in the name of fashion. You are gonna look super stylish. Skulls are in this year. How do I know? Every runway model is sporting one. And since they barely eat, you can see the whole thing on their gaunt faces.

Yeah, you gotta rock the skulls. And I don’t mean doing a drum solo on your noggin. Although that’s pretty fun too. Even if you have a headache for two weeks. I would wear this scarf. I like it so much I would scarf it right up. I ain’t spinnin’ no yarns.

Vampire Hunter Journal With Stake And Cross On Chain Bookmark

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vampire hunter journal
Vampire hunters have all the coolest gear. Sharpened stakes, garlic, fancy crosses that burn vampire flesh, and journals like this awesome Vampire Hunter Journal.

First entry- Dear diary, today I staked a vampire. I mean, I staked out his lair. I didn’t have the courage to go inside and stake him. That pale and goth looking creepy son of a witch has to pay for his late night feeding on innocent women at the local clubs.

Two days later- Getting my courage up now. He rises when the sun goes down and sleeps in the day. Gonna do it tonight.

The next day- I did it! I did it! I broke into his house and staked him while he slept in his coffin. Well, he was sleeping in a normal bed for some reason. And he didn’t turn into ash when I drove the stake in! What have I done? I think I just killed a random goth teen! A quick examination of the room turned up a bunch of Hot Topic receipts. Also, an inspection of the home revealed parents sleeping in the same house too. I think I’m in big trouble now. This will be my last entry. Vampire hunting isn’t for me. I don’t want to go to jail…

Year of the Goat Canvas Art Print

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year of the goatIs it the year of the goat? I had no idea. I guess all of those goats in party hats celebrating the new year should have clued me in. I just thought they were trying to get my goat. Anyway, this Year of the Goat Canvas Art Print shows you how goats party down. Or is it party up? I have no idea since the only parties I attend are pity parties and I’m the only guy there. Goats know how to live it up. They have the best sweaters and blow bubbles everywhere while dancing to a tune on the boombox.

I bet that goat doesn’t have a job or anything. And you know what an unemployed goat is called right? Billy Idol! Heh. Why are they called Billy Goats anyway? You goat me. See what I did there? I goat ya again. That was too easy. I’m the king of goat jokes. I know, you’re thinking, “Goat the f**k outta here!” Fine, I’m gone.

Zombie Cubes: Zombies Squared!

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zombie cubes
Stack up some Zombie Cubes and build a cool Zombie fort. Fun fact of the day and behind the scenes tidbit: I almost typed Zombie Pubes. Was gonna leave it, but then I figured zombie pubes are probably the first thing to fall out once you get bitten by an undead psychopath. If they don’t need ’em on their privates, I don’t need ’em in my paragraph.

These little cubes are hand painted and each zombie has its’ own personality. Squished it, toss it, stack them up and knock them down. Just like a real zombie, no matter how much abuse you throw at these, they will retain their original shape, even if crushed. Stack’em, whack’em, thwack ’em, straight up attack ’em. Pubeless monsters!

Alien Space Dog Remains

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Alien Space Dog Remains
You know how it is. You’re out zipping through space in your Hot Rod UFO, your space dog’s head hanging out the window, when suddenly Fido has to take a leak. And since you don’t want him lifting his leg in your newly upholstered UFO, you have to make a pit stop. On Earth. But you encounter a lightning storm and you crash. Then some hick finds your alien corpse and your Alien Space Dog Remains. That’s an embarrassing way to go. Your remains are in the hands of those lower life-forms that you have probed endlessly.

I say, you got what you deserved space scum! And if my butt-hole wasn’t so messed up, I’d kick your alien keister! But I have to hit the toilet like now before I erupt! That’s your fault. And stop leaving your dogs all over our planet! *Farts as I run to the bathroom*

Anyway, damn their space dogs are ugly. Big brains though. I bet when you put a treat on it’s nose, it just telekinetically lifts it and carries it into it’s mouth. That seems like something a freaky space pooch would do. At least they are evolved enough to ASK if they can hump your leg. Probably cuddle it after too.
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