Tag: etsy

Richard Nixon Fighting A Sabertooth Tiger Art Print

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nixon fighting a sabertooth
This fine art print of Tricky Dick “I am not a crook” Nixon shows Richard Thrillhouse Nixon battling a sabertooth tiger. He’s got him down and is pouncing all over him, getting ready to punch him in the face with his brass knuckles.

I didn’t like Richard Nixon before, but now the man is one of my personal heroes, right up there with Pee-Wee Herman and whoever the guy was who invented Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. You got your chocolate in my peanut butter. No you got YOUR peanut butter in my chocolate. Who cares? Damn that’s good!
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Realistic Pokemon Instill Realistic Fear

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realistic pokemon
Etsy seller Bakucosas makes Realistic Pokemon that look scary as hell. They only have 3 in their shop right now, so catching them all is impossible. Bulbasaur looks like he will eat your hand clean off and then rip out your tongue and wipe his mouth with it.

I don’t know anything about Pokemon, but I know when to run like hell and throw my tiny dog at it. Your sacrifice will not be in vain Fluffy. I vow to breed my own Pokemon and one day I will return to avenge you! Or just, you know, maybe get a new dog. That’s probably easier on everyone.
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Bank Tube Purse

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bank tube purse
This bank tube purse will come in handy the next time my wife asks me to get her purse. I’ll just pop it in the tube with a deposit slip and let it fly away until it comes out the other side to hit my wife in the head.

Then she’ll forget what she asked for and she’ll sign it and send it back, thinking she’s making a deposit. Then I collect the money! Sweet. I’ll have a PS4 in no time now. Thank you bank tube purse. And thank you for banking at the First National Bank of me.

Cthulhu Backpack

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cthulu backpack
Don’t hurt your back carrying around heavy books. Let Cthulhu do the heavy lifting with his many suckered tentacles. This Cthulhu Backpack has your back and would like your soul and sanity as well. Use it to carry your school books or your HP Lovecraft books. Or both.

What? You use a kindle? Well la-de-da. Not all of us can afford a fancy- Oh wait. Just checked the price. I can afford that. I just have a third grade reading level, so I choose not to have one. So there. Are you happy? Me too. That fancy book reading takes valuable time away from internet picture reading.

Awesome Fantasy Figurines For Your Mom’s Basement

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fantasy figurines
Try not to have a nerdgasm when looking at Etsy seller DemiurgusDreams assortment of cool fantasy figurines. You’ll definitely need to make some space in your mother’s basement if you’re going to collect them all. Hey, I ain’t judging. I may not live with my mom, but she lives with me. I choose to take the basement cuz I’m cool like that. Just like I choose to spend my weekends free from any members of the opposite sex. I’m better than you is what I’m saying. No, not really. I’m a sad sad man and I need to buy some kick-ass fantasy creatures to make it all better.

I’m gonna buy ’em all and make them fight on my shelf. Take that life! These miniature beasts are a soothing salve for my awkward nerdiness and permanent butt-acne.
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