Tag: eye

The Watch Frog Sees Everything

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

The Watch Frog Sees Everything
Why does this “watch frog” have it’s eye on me? You spying on me?

Just a lil-ribbit.

Okay cool. You didn’t see nothing right? Just a guy relaxing on a weeknight, watching some Netflix with a rubber chicken nearby. Anyway, watch that eye. You don’t wanna get frog-glaucoma. Hey, here’s a good one.

Why couldn’t the 1/8 Polish guy join the Polish military?

Cuz he was only a tad Pole. Hahahaha.

Nothing to say about that? Frog in your throat? I kid. I kid. Seriously though, stop watching me.*Pulls shade down and grabs rubber chicken.*

Purple Gothic Dragon Eye Claw Ring

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Purple Gothic Dragon Eye Claw Ring
When you stare into the Purple Gothic Dragon Eye Claw Ring, the dragon stares back into your soul. That’s what they say anyway. Anywho, this is a sweet piece of jewelry for anyone who ever wanted to poke a dragon’s eye out and wear it. Can’t say I’ve had that urge. I’m all about the ethical treatment of fantasy animals. Mostly cuz I’d like to score with that Mother of Dragons chick on that HBO show. I think her name is Daenerys.

Daenerys, Mother of dragons? More like Delorous, Mother of 3 who is cashier at Target.

Whatevs. I get my entertainment mixed up with my store runs sometimes. And sometimes my store runs are so severe I go through like 3 rolls of TP, that’s when they let me use the bathroom at all. I’ve been brown-listed at most Targets. And listed as “most likely to clear out entire Walmarts”.

Werewolf Eye Pendant

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Werewolf Eye Pendant
This Werewolf Eye Pendant is giving me the stink eye. At least, that’s what I assume, since werewolves all stink. It’s like they captured the eyeball just as the dude was turning into a Werewolf and now you can wear it. I hope you’re happy. Meanwhile, some poor Werewolf is going by the name of “One-Eye” and his depth perception is junk now. Can’t even catch a squirrel. Can’t even sleep with one eye open to watch out for other threats. You have basically signed this guy’s death warrant. Was it worth it? Well?

Yeah, I agree, it’s totally worth it. That’s a rad pendant. He’s still got an eye. No harm done. Not like he could see well enough to hurt you anyway, if he found out.

Awesome Cthulhu Themed Hair Clips

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Awesome Cthulhu Themed Hair Clips
Let Cthulhu run his tentacles through your hair. These Cthulhu Themed Hair Clips and accessories from TheCuriousCogsmith are perfect for Lovecraft fans. So put some tentacles and eyes in your hair. Everyone will know you are Cthulhu’s girl, because now you are marked.

People like me would approach to flirt with you,but then we’ll see that hair clip and be all like, “Nope. Don’t need to be killed by Cthulhu, whether you are aware that you are his bride or not. Laterz. By the way, your hair looks awesome. Just sayin”
Read more “Awesome Cthulhu Themed Hair Clips”

Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses
Whoa! Who’s that cat-eyed vixen walking down the street so sexy and sure of herself? It could be you! That’s who! Imagine yourself all cattin’ around and battin’ around with these Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses. Looking like the cat who ate the canary- Wait. Is that really yellow feathers on the side of your mouth? Dissss-gusting girl!

What exactly are you hiding behind those sunglasses? Oh I see. The bright red eyes of a bird-eating vampire. Well, I guess you have to get blood where you can find it. Come to think of it, you’re talking to a whole bag full of blood right now. *gulp* *Loosens collar nervously. Come to think of it- Tightens it again* Yeah, it was nice meeting you. Heh. I’ll just- I have stuff to do. For people who know where I am and are expecting me. Heh. Good luck on your feeding. *Zips away like a cartoon*
Read more “Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses”