Tag: grizzly bear

Bear Sleeping Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bear Sleeping Bag
Check out this awesome bear sleeping bag. Mr bear says, “Get in ma belly!” and I’m like, “Uh. Okay.” Rumor is that it feels mighty nice to be slowly digested in a belly like that. How to get out once you’ve had a good night’s sleep. That’s the problem. That’s why that woman is sticking her arm out of the mouth. This thing is like a bear sarcophagus. No, not a bare sarcophagus. Bare means empty. That’s not what I- Oh forget it.

Me and bears have tons in common like that. First off we each weigh a ton. We’re big boned that’s all. We both love honey. And we both growl and crawl around on all fours being grumpy until you feed us. I am bear, hear me roar! *Roars mightily for 2 seconds and starts choking.*
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Hibernate With This Sleeping Grizzly Bear Bean Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

sleeping bear bean bag
Some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you. Some days you just lay down with the bear and roll around like a couple goofballs and hope to hell your buddy doesn’t rip your spleen out or take your face off.

This Sleeping Grizzly Bear Bean Bag looks pretty obese. That means he’s a good cuddler. At least that’s why my wife says I’m so cuddly. This fat bear is not just for sitting on. He’ll keep you warm even on the coldest night. And if he doesn’t I’ll just turn my lightsaber on and cut into his belly and climb in until a snowspeeder spots me in the morning. Then I’ll spend like 4 hours in a bacta tank recovering. It won’t be long before I head to the Dagobah system to train as a Jedi. Go me!
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Framed Man-Beast Wearing Underwear

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

man-beast in underwearCheck out this framed man-beast crotch, packing more hair than a grizzly. Etsy seller BeefcakeCraftArcade made this. Everyone needs a hobby I guess.

This man-beast has nothing on me, with that little cheeto bulge barely hanging over the frame. My Hanes would be exploding past that frame. Well, yeah, that’s mostly because of my belly, but trust me, my cheeto bag is full too!

The seller has a special note:

“The fur is soft and you’re gonna want to rub your face all over it. That’s fine and encouraged – pet it all you want! But please do not brush or shave the fur.”

Um, okay. Absolutely no danger of any of that happening from me. Just so we are clear.