Humans aren’t the only ones that fear clowns. Badgers and hedgehogs fear clowns too, but that’s beside the point. Bears also rightly fear clowns. The fear of clowns denotes a highly evolved animal, cuz to not fear the clown is stupid and dangerous. Anywho, recently, Larry Ogle of Salem, Virginia attached a creepy motion activated clown to his garbage can outside and it sent a trash stealing bear running away in terror when the evil laughing clown alarm went off.
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Tag: bear
Bear Oven Mitts With Claws
I don’t know about you, but I’m a real bear in the kitchen and if anybody comes near those muffins I’m gonna slice ’em up real good with my bear claws. Then when I’m all done cooking I’m gonna stuff my face full of muffins and exit the kitchen on all fours, dropping a deuce on the way out. Hey, you humans have your traps, I have mine.
You want some muffins, you gotta cross the steaming minefield and make it out again with the prize. But you won’t, because I’ll be waiting. They’re mine! All mine! *Goes crazy and starts slashing the air with my Bear Oven Mitts With Claws, letting out a huge roar!* Sorry about that. Sugar high. Now back to muffins.
Bear Sleeping Bag
Check out this awesome bear sleeping bag. Mr bear says, “Get in ma belly!” and I’m like, “Uh. Okay.” Rumor is that it feels mighty nice to be slowly digested in a belly like that. How to get out once you’ve had a good night’s sleep. That’s the problem. That’s why that woman is sticking her arm out of the mouth. This thing is like a bear sarcophagus. No, not a bare sarcophagus. Bare means empty. That’s not what I- Oh forget it.
Me and bears have tons in common like that. First off we each weigh a ton. We’re big boned that’s all. We both love honey. And we both growl and crawl around on all fours being grumpy until you feed us. I am bear, hear me roar! *Roars mightily for 2 seconds and starts choking.*
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Hibernate With This Sleeping Grizzly Bear Bean Bag
Some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you. Some days you just lay down with the bear and roll around like a couple goofballs and hope to hell your buddy doesn’t rip your spleen out or take your face off.
This Sleeping Grizzly Bear Bean Bag looks pretty obese. That means he’s a good cuddler. At least that’s why my wife says I’m so cuddly. This fat bear is not just for sitting on. He’ll keep you warm even on the coldest night. And if he doesn’t I’ll just turn my lightsaber on and cut into his belly and climb in until a snowspeeder spots me in the morning. Then I’ll spend like 4 hours in a bacta tank recovering. It won’t be long before I head to the Dagobah system to train as a Jedi. Go me!
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One Of A Kind Black Bear Bench: Does A Bear Sit In The Woods?
What’s this grizzly sight? Now you can sit on a bench with a bear to the left of you and a bear to the right. That’s some high octane bear power right there. Do I want this bench? Does a bear sit in the woods? Yes. Yes he does. And he sits with me because we are best buds. We’ll be sharing honey pots and passing around the tasty tree grubs. Catching fish with our bear hands. Good times.
That’s how I picture my bear adventure, but you and I both know that in reality this is just a bear butt-urinal, with you in the middle. Why else would bears park themselves on each side. These guys are each taking a massive and when they are done, they will climb out, leaving you in a toxic fog.
No friggin’ way I’m buying this bench.
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