Hey, nice rack! I mean ribs. Nice rump too. You got all of the best cuts. Ask your butcher about this Pink Meat Cuts Dress. Then shimmy your shanks in it and shake your rump roast. Cuz you are grade A, prime cut meat baby. You and I should have a meat and greet. I feel a tingling in my tenderloin. Actually it’s more of an itch, but anyway… I don’t want to get all em-broiled in this dress, but I think it’s awesome. No, really. Not busting your chops. Your pork chops.
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Tag: food
Zombie Cake Pops: Disgustingly Delicious
These Zombie Cake Pops make a nice change. For once I will be taking a bite out of a zombie, instead of a zombie trying to take a bite out of me. I’ll get your brains how do you like that? Fun fact: I thought Cake Pop was some weird Japanese pop music that I had never heard of because I never know about the cool stuff. Nope. They really are little cakes. That you can pop in your mouth! Here I come zombies. Your heads are mine.
UFO And Alien Cookies
Celebrate your latest alien abduction or UFO sighting by munching on these colorful UFO And Alien Cookies. You know how I celebrated my first abduction? Preparation H. Also, by not being able to sit down for like a week. *Shakes fist at sky aliens* But I admit, that time I showed up in the ER with that Boba Fett action figure lodged in my Sarlacc Pit, that was all me. I learned to clean up my toys before jumping on the couch that night. Poor Boba was never the same. Neither was I! WHY did it have to be the one bounty hunter with a rocket on his back?
These cookies would have made both of those incidents better. Unless aliens showed up while I was eating them. Then I’d have to toss my cookies. At them.
Fruit & Vegetables Carved Into Scary Skulls
Russian artist Dimitri Taykalov has a creepy obsession with skulls. Isn’t that called scoliosis. Nah, that’s something else. Pretty sure that’s something entirely different. He likes to carve fruits and vegetables into skulls. Nothing weird about that right? We all play with out food. Hell, I’ve been known to sit at the table for hours sculpting my mashed potatoes into a cool mountain, but that’s only because of UFOs.
No, Dimitri just loves turning stuff into skulls. Probably because he doesn’t want to eat his fruits and vegetables. I can dig that. Picky eaters usually turn into food artists for that very reason. Kinda like how I have no real skills in life, so I bring you cool and creepy stuff. Keeps me out of the loony bin, puts you one step closer. Isn’t it amazing how our lives all touch each other? Beets me. Lettuce meditate on that for awhile. Let it sink into your melon. Glad I could Pro-duce some humor in your day.
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These Junk Food Purses Are Making Me Hungry
If I had a purse, and I don’t, I would keep all of my junk food in it. What about that bag you carry around with you? That’s not a purse. That’s a laptop bag. Don’t you keep your chapstick in there? You shut up. You shut your fat mouth. You sound pretty emotional. Do you have any menstrual pads in there? Shut up! You hear me? Here, have a Snickers bar. You are a real diva when you get hungry. Thanks. *Om nom nom* Turns back into Steve Buscemi.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Me, Steve Buscemi, really digs these purses. I think you will too. They’re junk food, but also purses. I don’t carry a purse, but if I did- You do idiot. Shut up will you? Here, have another snickers. You are a real diva when you are Steve Buscemi. *Om nom nom.* Turns into Betty White.
You know what, I’m just gonna give up Snickers bars and be myself.
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