Tag: gift

Squatty Potty – Dookie The Pooping Unicorn Plush

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Squatty Potty - Dookie The Pooping Unicorn Plush
Do you own a Squatty Potty? I do. Dookie The Pooping Unicorn has changed the way I poop. Saved my life. Cleansed my colon. Got my Cleveland Steamer running better than ever. He better my bowels. My rhoids are less annoyed. While my pooping is still not leveled up enough to poop rainbows, my Hershey’s kiss production line might just turn a profit for the first time in years if I can just find some of that colored foil and some ribbon shards to package it in. What I’m saying is a heartfelt thank you.

Thank you Dookie for making America great again. For my butt.

If you feel the same way, you’re gonna want this Dookie The Pooping Unicorn Plush. He will keep you going. Help you keep the faith that your pooping will get better. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. *tears* I used to poop little pebble pellets, but ever since I got Squatty Potty, I poop giant grizzly bear mounds and am a mighty beast in my own bathroom again. My spirit animal is is now a Jedi ghost formed from noxious sh*t stink and I am slowly learning the ways of the force. Thank you!

Terrifying Poseable Needle Felted Plant Monsters

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Terrifying Poseable Needle Felted Plant Monsters
FrivolousForest makes these Terrifying Poseable Needle Felted Plant Monsters, along with some other equally horrifying monster miniatures. I think I saw some of these roaming around in the woods last week, but that may have been that nyquil on the rocks I took to ward off my oncoming cold. Don’t judge, I get a lot of cold symptoms and I need my medicine. Besides you know what they say. Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. Especially when mixed with Nyquil. I feel healthy as a horse. A horse who never remembers much and constantly wakes up in the forest with little creatures around me.
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Scary Zodiac Pillow Covers

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Scary Zodiac Pillow Covers
Like OMG these Scary Zodiac Pillow Covers are so on fleek. Mercury is def in retrograde guys cuz they didn’t even get my name right at Starbucks. Plus Jupiter is ascending in the fourth house and like, OMG where’d you get those boots. Those boots go with that blouse like Aries and Aquarius. I’m so gel. I’m totally buying those so we can be twinsies! We are so gemini. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh look, something shiny and funny sound from phone! AKA “sleepytime while my thumbs move”.

The Mighty Kraken Toilet Paper Holder

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Kraken Toilet Paper Holder
Wipe your Kraken with some help from this Kraken Toilet Paper Holder. I’m not saying he’s gonna use each of his eight tentacles to get your butt as clean as it’s ever been, though that would be refreshing, but I am saying that he’s gonna always be there to offer you some fresh TP when you need it most.And if he ever fails you, it’s your fault cuz you forgot to replace the toilet paper.

Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds

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Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds
Make the walking dead the freezing dead with these Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds. Look, zombies want to eat you, so I say we eat them first. Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck! Heh. That’s my new insult. If someone says something I don’t like, I’m yelling, “Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck!” I’m hoping it really takes off and becomes something New Yorkers yell at each other every day.

Seriously though, these Popsicle molds are awesome. I’m gonna go make some delicious zombie treats now. Don’t let the door hit you… You shut up! You shut it right now! Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck!