Why do Octopi always wrap themselves around treasure boxes? It’s like they can’t resist them. I have no idea, but I know what I’m gonna do the next time I need to distract an octopus. I’m gonna dress a treasure chest up in a bikini and whistle, then throw my voice and say, “Hey big boy.” Then I can get the real treasure chest. Guess I showed you Octo-loser! You can raise all of your tentacles into fists all you want, but I’m rich! I’m rich! And you’re just a bit- Stop hugging my face with your tentacles! Where are you dragging me? I guess I didn’t really think this through. Shoulda just bought an Octopus Treasure Chest Trinket Box.
Tag: gift
Plague Doctor Socks
The Plague Doctor is in, but he doesn’t know if you have the plague or if he has the plague, or what’s plaguing all these patients. It’s a real case of plague-urism. All he knows is that he looks awesome in his mask and he keeps making bird sounds cuz it’s fun. And cuz the owls are what what they seem. Aren’t these guys the best? Now you can enjoy them on your socks thanks to these cool Plague Doctor Socks. And let’s face it, your socks smell nasty anyway, like your feet are seriously infected anyway. Damn! Would it kill ya to at least wash your feet once in a while? That’s how the plague starts ya know. That’s why the Dutch wear those wooden shoes.
Skull and Skeleton Toilet Bowl Brush Set
Oh man. Your bathroom is about to get badass peeps. This Skull and Skeleton Toilet Bowl Brush Set is going to look great in your Gothic themed bathroom. What? Don’t we all have Gothic themed bathrooms? Well, I just did mine up real nice with a bat toilet paper holder, stained glass window, some anti-vampire crucifixes and… Wait. You guys didn’t decorate your rooms? Guys, we were all supposed to do it. I’m the only one? Great. We pinky promised and everything. And I didn’t even want to pinky promise cuz it’s not manly, but I did anyway. This really sucks guys!
I just spent like 2 grand on all this! The gargoyle decorations alone cost me $200. Whatevs. I have a sweet Gothic human guano room and you don’t. I like to call it my steam room. As in Cleveland steamer. Oh! Zing! Didn’t see that coming did ya? Hmmmm. I really need to install some ventilation in here.
Misfortune Cookies Anti-Greeting Cards
What’s this? Someone sent me a greeting card! How thoughtful. Oh wait. It’s one of those Misfortune Cookies Anti-Greeting Cards. Not sure if I should be depressed or not. Send these to both your friends and your foes. On the front it says “This message will self-disturb in two seconds”. Then you write whatever you want inside. Pretty awesome and kinda twisted, which is just the way we like it around here. Don’t forget about the company’s actual Misfortune Cookies either. So dark and tasty. Give ’em as a gift and send them a card with it. Perfect.
Cool UFO Abduction Bigfoot T Shirt
This UFO Abduction Bigfoot T Shirt shows Bigfoot getting sucked up into a UFO. Or does it? I think they are dropping this sasquatch off. What the shizz? You UFOs just think you can dump your creatures here anytime you want? This planet isn’t some Bigfoot daycare center. You can’t just drop your hairy brats off without even parking, leave them here for like 3 weeks and then pick them up after your big party of Alpha Centauri, still half drunk and smelling like alien sex and Martian Margaritas.