Tag: gothic

Arsenic and Cyanide Salt and Pepper Shakers

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Arsenic and Cyanide Salt and Pepper ShakersArsenic and Cyanide. Sounds like a fun cop buddy flick to me. And the bad guys are about to get a lethal dose of justice! One is a seasoned veteran two weeks from retirement, the other a salty rookie! These Arsenic and Cyanide Salt and Pepper Shakers will give your dinner guests a scare when they go to season their food and pick their poison. Don’t tell my wife. She has been threatening to poison my food forever and this just might remind her. Yeah, I think I’m done with salt and pepper for awhile. Just to be safe. What? Not done with THAT Salt and Pepper.

Oooh, baby, baby. Baby, baby. Get up on this!

Dragon Eye Pendants

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Dragon Eye Pendants
It’s the… Eye of the dragon. It’s the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rival.And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night. And… he’s… watching us all… with the eyeeeeeeeee…. of the dragon! Love that song. These sweet Dragon Eye Pendants from CharlieMorgon are watching you and watching me. There’s no telling what they see. Although masturbation is a high probability. Just sayin’. All I’m sayin’ is maybe put some black tape over the eye before you do the deed, just like you would with your webcam. It’s just good advice.
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Brass Hellcat Necklace

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Brass Hellcat NecklaceThis Brass Hellcat Necklace is gonna raise all kinds of hell. It’s gonna scratch your furniture up, knock your drink off the table, sneak some catnip and get all fuzzed up, then lay down for 5 hours and start again. Wait, that’s my cat. No, this necklace is just an awesome piece of jewelry that looks ferocious and badass. Here kitty kitty. Stop biting me. Are you getting drunk on my blood again? Bad kitty! Sorry. Again, that was my cat.

Meowzers that is one cool cat. I’d scratch it’s belly if it had one, which is probably a good thing cuz it would just kick at me with it’s paws and rip my hand to shreds. This necklace is so good it will make you catatonic. Which would be a catas-trophy. Which isn’t the good kind of trophy.

Steampunk Skull Jewelry Box

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Steampunk Skull Jewelry Box
I need another skull decoration around here like I need a sword in the head. But I do need a Steampunk Skull Jewelry Box with a sword in the head. Everyone come to my house. The first person to pull the sword from the skull shall be king. Oh hell, that came away really easy. Oh well. Feel free to rule over my entire kingdom. *Looks around at my filthy hovel.* Hey, where’d ya go? Fine, I’ll continue being king, but I’m going to war with all of you.

Universal Monsters Coffin Coasters

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Universal Monsters Coffin Coasters
Put some whiskey on the wolfman. These Universal Monsters Coffin Coasters will protect your furniture from your drinks. Cuz your drinks are monsters to your furniture. These coasters feature wolfman, Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Put your drink on the coffin, then take off your hat and say a little prayer. May it rest in peace. Amen. Now may it rest in my belly.