Buffalo Hoof Taxidermy Lamps. Pretty much what it sounds like. Two hairy legs all up in your bidness. I know what you’re thinking. Why do I need this when I already have a wife? Good question. Here’s a better one? Why won’t your wife shave her legs?
Buffalo girls won’t you come out tonight? Come out tonight. Come out tonight. Buffalo girls won’t you come out tonight? Probably won’t cuz your legs are nasty!
These Rhino Hoof Boots make anyone look like Hillary Clinton. Dang! Did he just say that? Bang! Zing! Burn! Well leggo my Eggo and yankle my cankle! Thems some big hoofs! The seller says they were originally made for a Rocksteady costume, (You know, the rhinoceros guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) but I guess even he was like, “Yeah, too Hillary for me. Can we slim things up a bit?”
You know now that I see them in mom jeans, they don’t look so bad. I’ve seen far worse. Of course, I worked with elephants for a year.
Did you run away and join the circus?
No way. Talking about that time I worked for Jenny Craig, passing out flyers.
That’s mean!
Tell me about it. Took me a whole year to actually read those flyers. They had a picture of me with the caption, “Do NOT feed this man!” Hurtful! That also explained why I never got paid and why I had to buy my own meals only from them and talk about why I eat my feelings.
Thanks a lot mom. “Oh I talked to some people and got a job for you.”, she said. “They have a very strict eating policy.”, she said. “Just company rules.”
I’m out. Gotta go stuff it all deep down inside. Under a hot apple pie.
Looking for a new purse? You better hoof it to the store and pay like crazy money for the latest and greatest pieces that bear expensive names who wouldn’t even shake hands with the likes of you. And besides, those un-calloused hands are too busy whipping their slave labor.
Screw that jazz. Just head over to Ebay and buy a purse that looks like it will run away as soon as you set it down. Hey, where ya going with my lipstick? The hoof purse is just $110 and if somebody ever tries to steal it, they are gonna get some serious kicks from animal hooves as you swing this thing. Seriously, the cops will identify the perp by the hoof marks on his weaselly face.
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