Wear these Audrey II “Feed Me” Creature Boots and they will devour anything in your path. I only ask one thing, Please no kicking me in the balls as your boots will retreat with my balls when you are done. They have crystal and metal spikes and each toe features a hand sculpted Audrey II carnivorous plant with blood dripping detail. Are you hungry for fashion? Good cuz fashion is hungry for you!
Tag: boots
Platform Spider Web Studded Skull Boots
Uh-oh, here come’s the black widow. You can tell by the shoes. These Platform Spider Web Studded Skull Boots are for warrior widow women with wearable webs. Try saying that three times fast. They have spider webs all over and skulls in back. Kinda like a cemetery really. I guess you could say she’s got webbed feet. Heh. I made a funny. Forget Doctor Scholls. These are Doctor Skulls. This is some fiendish footwear my friends. If you see a woman wearing these, she’s trouble. You’ll get caught in her web and be a snack.
Read more “Platform Spider Web Studded Skull Boots”
Skeleton Platform Boots
Get your bones in these Skeleton Platform Boots and tower over everyone else while showing the world your skeletal feet. They say SWEAR on the side so I just cursed my butt off. Nah. I lied. Just like after every workout my butt is still there.
Well, I did kind of swear when I saw these. I was all like, “F**kity f**k that’s a cool pair of boots! I gotta show the creepers.” Then I stubbed my toe and went on a 2 minute swear-rant that ended with me washing my own mouth out with soap. If there’s one thing I can’t abide, it’s a potty mouth. I hate having to do it, but how else will I learn?
Read more “Skeleton Platform Boots”
Frankenstein Boots
Unleash your inner Frankenstein with these freaky and cool Frankenstein Boots. It’s alive! It’s alive! Yeah, but does it have a soul? No, however it does have a sole and some cool bolts on the side. I usually slip mine on, then tighten ’em with a wench.
A wench?
I mean a wrench. Sorry. Was thinking about Frankenstein’s wife for a sec. She forgot to pack me a lunch today and Dr. Frankenstein is very annoyed.
Rhino Hoof Boots
These Rhino Hoof Boots make anyone look like Hillary Clinton. Dang! Did he just say that? Bang! Zing! Burn! Well leggo my Eggo and yankle my cankle! Thems some big hoofs! The seller says they were originally made for a Rocksteady costume, (You know, the rhinoceros guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) but I guess even he was like, “Yeah, too Hillary for me. Can we slim things up a bit?”
You know now that I see them in mom jeans, they don’t look so bad. I’ve seen far worse. Of course, I worked with elephants for a year.
Did you run away and join the circus?
No way. Talking about that time I worked for Jenny Craig, passing out flyers.
That’s mean!
Tell me about it. Took me a whole year to actually read those flyers. They had a picture of me with the caption, “Do NOT feed this man!” Hurtful! That also explained why I never got paid and why I had to buy my own meals only from them and talk about why I eat my feelings.
Thanks a lot mom. “Oh I talked to some people and got a job for you.”, she said. “They have a very strict eating policy.”, she said. “Just company rules.”
I’m out. Gotta go stuff it all deep down inside. Under a hot apple pie.