This is not your grandmother’s cross-stitch. I know, because I asked mine about this Krampus Cross Stitch and she screamed bloody murder and started ranting about the Christmas Devil. Then banned me from visiting her again. The legend of Krampus must include a trip to the Doctor’s office cuz he’s always sticking his tongue out, waiting for the doc to take a look. Open up and say ah Mr. Krampus. Hmmm have you been getting enough sleep? I would ask you for a pee sample, but last time we tried that, your pee of fire melted the sample cup and nearly burned down my office. Let’s just call it the flu shall we? Good? Good. See the receptionist for a prescription.
Tag: cross stitch
May Cthulhu Eat This House Last – Cross Stitch
True that! Put this May Cthulhu Eat This House Last – Cross Stitch on your door and Cthulhu will be full by the time he gets to you. Technically, if we all put these on our door, everyone will be safe because we can’t all be last, yet Cthulhu will obey the command. Now we beat him using logic! High five everybody!
*A hellish wind kicks up. Rips the cross stitch off my door.* Oh f**k!
Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern
If you’re looking for a cross-stitch pattern that features all kinds of paranormal stuff, check out this Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern. This thing is like a conspiracy wrapped in a riddle, with a creamy nugget enigma topping. It has the Illuminati, UFOs, Aliens, the Jersey Devil (I hear he recently relocated to New York) and much much more. It’s like the X-Files as created by a Golden Girl. Mind blown! The truth really is out there. Wayyyy out there.
My grandmother would love this pattern. She likes to sit in her chair knitting all night, wearing a tin-foil hat, so that the aliens don’t get her. That’s why I have like a hundred half finished shirts with Bigfoot getting out of a UFO. Don’t worry grandma, you’re safe for now, but displease me once more and those aliens in the clean white coats are coming to take you away.
Psst. I found a sweet and dirt cheap “Retirement community”. Odd that the guy that runs it likes to meet in back alleys. Also odd that the place looks like a burned out building with a bunch of homeless people, but what do I know about cutting edge elder care?