Tag: leggings

That’s A Wrap: Mummy Leggings

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That's A Wrap Mummy Leggings
If you want to look like a yummy mummy below the tummy…Oh turds, I ran out of rhyming words. Be the best dressed mummy this side of de-Nile with these Mummy Leggings. It’s not just a river in Egypt. No, it’s not. I’m denying it. Anywho, these leggings will make you look good when you rise from your crypt in the morning.

I DIYed a pair once, but three thousand band-aids don’t hold up well in the washing machine, which turned them into a small mummy ball. I guess it’s good for mummy soccer. Just an idea I’m kicking around. Do you like that joke? Was it funny? This has been “The Insecure Comedian.” I’ll be here all week, but I won’t make eye contact. How’s my hair? I hope you like me.
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Baby Doll Head Leggings

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Baby Doll Leggings
Dear God in heaven! In the name of all that is holy, those are some hauntingly creepy Baby Doll Head Leggings. It’s like a portal to hell opened up and they all came spilling out! I can hardly even look at their faces. Fun fact: I am so disturbed I almost typed, “I can hardly look at their feces”. That would actually be preferable to these demonic doll heads.

If you look real close some of them look like they have butt-heads. God help us all. The demon doll head invasion has begun!

Cartoon Jean Leggings With Rips And Tears

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

tell it like you jean it
Hey lady, nice jeans. *Bats eyelashes.* Thanks, I guess I’m just drawn that way.

Why buy jeans when you’re just going to get holes and tears in them? Why buy jeans with holes and tears in them already? You can just buy these Cartoon Jean Leggings With Rips And Tears. The jeans are fake and so is all of the wear. Plus they look sexy as hell. Hey, I like a good cartoon butt as much as the next guy.

Cartoon butts just make me nuts!
These jeans don’t house no Pizza Huts.

Stuffed crust. Thin crust.
These butts don’t care.

They’re looking good in cartoon wear.

Vampire Teeth Tights

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vampire teeth tights
If tights could talk, this one would say, “I vant to bite your butt!” Now that’s something to sink your teeth into. These Vampire Teeth Tights are adorable. Perfect for Halloween or just everyday creepwear. I gotta say those are some long legs. You can’t hear me, but I’m doing cat-calls right now and woot-ing it up!

Actually calf calls would be more appropriate since we’re talking tights. You got some nice calves and I ain’t talking baby cows. That lady over there? She’s got nice baby cows. You have nice calves. And that’s no bull.

Sexy Bat Stockings: You’re Legs Drive Me Batty

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Sexy Bat Stockings You're Legs Drive Me Batty
The bats in the belfry and the silver spoon… I think I have that song wrong. Whatevs. I saw these sexy bat stockings and thought of you. You know who you are. That sexy sultry creepbay reader just laying on the sofa in a super model pose, wondering what the crazy creepbay writer will say next. I thought you would look lovely in these. You’ll like them so much that you will send me some fan mail. We’ll laugh. We’ll cry. *shhhhh. Just let me continue.* We will be swept away in emotion….

Then we would have a blind date and I would find out that you are a 600 man wearing sexy bat stockings and stretching them to their limit. You tell me how much you love the website and I puke in my mouth. Then on the table. Then the waiter would ask the two fat guys sitting awkwardly in silence for their order. I would excuse myself and escape. Then go home and cry.

Yeah, so let’s keep things professional here. I just thought you gals would like these. No need to thank me. No need for fan mail. *Shudders. Drinks some alcohol. Pukes a little.* We’re all just friends here.