Tag: novelty

Trick Your Cat With The Cat Lap

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cat lapI look so damn good in my new pants. So nice and clean. Man, check out my sweet man-butt. I’ll just sit down and relax for a minute. Kitty, no! No, kitty! That’s a bad kitty. Now I look like Chewbacca.

Yep. I’ve been there and you’ve been there. Cats just don’t give a f***. They are the creatures that invented the lap dance. They don’t even ask for cash or get some guy to hit you when you touch them. But they do leave hair all over your clothes.

That’s why I’m using one of these decoy cat laps with the crazy mom jeans. Let my cat get all up in that lap and leave it’s atomic hairballs behind. The lap is the only part of you they want anyway.
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Duct Tape Tie

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Duct Tape TieDuct tape is the answer to so many questions. Now it is the answer to good business attire. Nothing says, “I’m a go-getter who can fix things on the fly” like a tie made out of duct tape.

It goes well with the duct tape mask. Get yourself a duct tape suit and you are the coolest man in the world.

Rear Gear Butt Covers For Your Pet

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butt stickersStickers. To hide your pets puckered pooper. Because sphincters are just unsightly. Apply to any butt that you want to make prettier. I’m definitely getting me some of these. My cat thinks it’s funny to stick it’s butt in my face every night.

One night I woke up from a crazy dream and what I thought was my Aunt Bee’s puckered and withered lips were reaching toward me for a kiss. I’m a good boy so I kissed her. Nope. Wasn’t Aunt Bee. Was just my cat’s exhaust pipe. How was I to know? Her kisses were always sloppy and wet too.

Buddy Bumper Ball Is The Ultimate Obesity Simulator

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buddy bumper ballYou ever see two obese people bump bellies? It looks like a ton of fun. Maybe a quarter ton depending on diet. They always look happy. It’s like an obese high five. Hey buddy, how about we bump our all you can eat dinners together and see who pukes first? Sadly, many of us are too thin to get in on the excitement of belly bumping. But not anymore.

The Buddy Bumper Ball is all kinds of fun. It basically makes you a giant blueberry. It’s the ultimate in Obese simulation. Get plump. Then bump your plumpness together.

The Toilet Pool Float: No Floaters In The Float Please

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Toilet Pool FloatMan it’s hot outside. I sure could go for a swim. Too bad I don’t have one of these Toilet Pool Floats. I would totally be the guy who leaves a long curly floater in this thing, then reaches around for the flush as I whirlpool all around and send it in your direction.

At the local pool I’m known as the one man Blue Man group. Get it? That means I also pee in the pool. Basically it’s not safe in the pool. Just stay away if you see me coming.