Tag: novelty

USDA Approved Meat Coasters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

meat coastersYou have to protect your furniture from drinks. Otherwise your wife will slap you silly, grab you by the neck and shove your face in it. That’s what happens around here anyway. So use a coaster. A manly coaster that will show her who the boss is. Like meat!

So after that little “incident” I got some meat from the fridge and slapped it down onto the coffee table. Then slammed my drink into that delicious slab of beef. See? I’m using a coaster! I am the man of this house!

It was a good plan. Until she made me eat it, all raw and bloody. My nerdy muscles could not overcome her. This package of meat coasters might be a better alternative.
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The Man Sack: Man Junk That Stores Man Junk

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man sackLooking for a sack that captures your manliness? One which will also hold all of your man junk? Don’t keep your junk in the trunk. Keep it all up front with the Man Sack.

How’s it hangin’? Pretty good. Pretty good. Just me and my man sack. *cue Maybeline song* Maybe he’s born with it…Maybe it’s Man Sack.

Man Sack is back and he’s on the attack. Cuz holdin’ stuff in your pockets is just plain whack!

Han Solo In Carbonite Toilet Seat

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Han Solo In Carbonite Toilet SeatThis is how you deal with smugglers that are ticking you off. You freeze them in carbonite and make a toilet seat out of them, so they are forced to kiss your fat butt cheeks for all eternity. If you are a big fat slug creature, you can always freeze someone else for your wall, but Solo deserves the toilet treatment. $59.99.

True That: Coffee Makes Me Poop Mug

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coffee makes me poop mugCoffee. The world’s tastiest laxative. At least it keeps you awake. Probably because you have to be awake to poop. Well, that’s not strictly true. C’mon, we’ve all pooped the bed at least once or twice. Three times in my case, but that’s only because I like a good cup of Joe before bed. It gets me just wired enough that my dreams are all like “WTF Am I on acid?” Of course the down side is that when your eyelids close, your sphincter opens. Needless to say, the washing machine gets clogged and then the repair guy is like, “Who the f**k takes a dump in their washing machine. I’m obligated by law to report this to my superiors.”

So of course, I’m not allowed to do laundry within a 100 mile radius now. Man, I’m really flying high on a double mocha right now. Can you tell? Oh and this cool mug is here.