Tag: novelty

It Takes Guts To Wear These Intestine Socks

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intestine socksWear your intestines on your feet with these Intestine Socks. This will mess with anyone who has x-ray vision. They will be all like, “My powers must be messed up. Either that or this person has intestines in their legs. They must do a lot of walking to digest their food.”

Intestines will be the big fashion trend this year. I’m never wrong about these things. Except for that time I predicted that pop rocks would join salt and pepper as America’s new favorite seasoning. However that too shall come to pass.

Macaroni And Cheese Soap

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macaroni and cheese soapThanks for the Macaroni And Cheese Soap grandma. I see you’ve been grocery shopping on Etsy again. That explains the various craft items in the fridge. I also noticed that you parked in the above-ground pool again. You were right, that was a sudden rain storm that was over as soon as it began. I’ll just take your keys now.

Because of you I can’t eat my macaroni in the tub anymore. I keep putting the soap in my mouth and washing my junk with the cheesy Kraft stuff.

Bone Jet (Joan Jett) Figure

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bone jetIt’s Bone Jet. And she really has a bone to pick with that guitar. This figure moves and the eyes light up. I saw her in concert once. Awesome show. The set list was great. She played:

I”mmmm a bag of bones,
Put another dime in the jukebox baby.

Followed by one from her days with the Runaways:

Hello Daddy, Hello Mom
I need some Ca ca ca calcium

Awesome night, but she’s getting older now. The last song was nothing but creaky joints that replaced the guitar.*Ow! My hip! I knew I shouldn’t have made fun of her.*

Zombie Peeping Notebook

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Zombie Peeping NotebookThis Zombie Peeping Notebook is a great way to sit on a park bench and creep people out. Write your masterpiece novel or poetry inside. Or just random observations. Make sure that you pause every now and then to peep through the eye holes at passers-by. Tell them their brains look lovely today. Then start following them. Then get maced through the peep holes. Then get tazed when the cops show up, because the notebook is now stuck to your face and you are stumbling around screaming because your eyes are on fire.

Yeah. Maybe just use this notebook at home.

Condom Wrapper Pillows With Giant Condoms Inside

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condom pillowYou should always practice safe sleep. That’s why I use these condom pillows. Sometimes I break out the giant fabric condom inside of the pillow and slip inside for added protection. But sometimes I wake up all limp and sweaty only to find that it is sliding off me. Sleep like a baby? Nah, I sleep like a peen.

Find it on Etsy. Vibra-ribbed and lubricated.
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