Cool. An Alien Fused Glass Night Light. Is it just me or does that mustache make him look like the other kind of alien? The illegal kind? What? Just asking. My plan is to use this in my bedroom, so that when the real aliens come, they’ll see this and think they are the ones getting abducted. Or maybe they’ll just think that one of them is here already and move on. If I see this go down, I’ll throw my voice from the bed and say, “You essay. I got dis. Step off!”
Tag: novelty
Life Size Articulated FaceHugger
Holy crap guys! This Life Size Articulated FaceHugger could be in my yard. No, I mean it might be in my yard right now cuz something has been digging those giant holes. It’s too big to be a gopher. Man, something just scurried by the window and ran up the side of the house. BRB.
*Runs around the backyard hammering pictures of my face attached to wooden stakes in the ground. Watches as the Facehugger takes the bait and tries to hug all of those faces. Cocks my shotgun one-handed like and blows him to hell.*
I got too much face for your race sucker!
The Martians Are Coming!
This martian is going to look awesome in your yard. And I can tell ya from experience that they really look like this. It was a hot August night and I was drunk-riding home on my bicycle, cuz that isn’t illegal as far as I know. That’s when I saw this thing scurrying around the neighbor’s yard, looking grumpy as hell. When I spotted him, he jammed those tentacle legs into the ground and made like a tree. I just figured I was drunk and since I had to pee anyway… And now you know why he’s got such a grumpy look on his face. Hey, you disguise yourself as a tree on a backward planet, you’re gonna get the golden shower. I don’t remember anything after that, cuz I think he went all electric and shocked my weiner.
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Cool Skull Backpack
This Skull Backpack is pretty sweet. I wouldn’t wear it to school though. You know why? You’ll get school-iosis. Get it? That’s a bone disease caused by too much school. What I like about this backpack is that you can tell it to zip it’s lip and it will. Zip it Skull! If you don’t zip it, I will! This thing looks badass. If the world ever goes Mad Max, I’m sporting a mohawk and wearing this thing and driving a crazy car while screaming gibberish. It’s a dream of mine.
Ouija Board Panties
So you and the wife are wearing your Ouija Board Panties and getting ready to “summon some spirits” when your kid bursts through the door. Mommy, daddy, what are you doing? Well, you see son. When a man loves a woman very much, he eases his planchette across her board, until you hit just the right spot. That would be when your mother yells YES YES YES. Now get out of here and if you hear stuff banging around, it’s just some paranormal activity. Lock the door on your way out. Now where were we? Still in the mood babe? No? What do you mean GOODBYE? God Dammit!