Do you have a baby? I bet it screams a lot and poops itself. I totally get that. I too have irritable bowel syndrome. Well, give your baby something to really scream about and put this Horror Character Lineup Baby Blanket in his or her crib. Cuz it’s never too late to scar your child for life and make some therapist filthy rich. It features Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, Michael Meyers and more.
What’s junior screaming about? Probably needs his diaper changed. Nope, he’s just terrified of his new play friends. God only knows what kind of weirdo that kid is going to grow up to be. The next Freddy? Could be.
Don’t be caught off guard when the bum-plungers come in the dead of night to do their crazy experiments on you. Be prepared. The Alien Invasion Resistance Manual will prepare you. Know your enemy. Know your rights! Is it legal under galactic law to travel billions of light years and probe some Earthlings rectum? I have no idea, but I’m hoping this book tells me the answer, cuz I can’t afford an alien lawyer.
In true Haynes style, the Alien Invasion Resistance Manual aims to demonstrate how with the right knowledge, training and a substantial reel of aluminum foil, the concerned citizen can really hit ET where it hurts. You can protect your home and family from mind-bending abductions, you can ensure that you remain free of any sinister implants and you can determine which shape-shifting lizards are working to take over society. Accompanied by illustrations, maps, diagrams and step-by-step instructions, this resistance manual will be essential reading for those interested in protecting the planet from alien invaders.
– Discover the truth about aliens and how they have already infiltrated Earth
– Learn the real story behind the Roswell crash, Area 51 and terrifying facts about alien abductions
– Read about the alien species that threaten us -from the DNA-hungry Greys to the shape shifting Draconian reptiles
– Become an Extra-terrestrial Prepper – trained and ready to defend our planet
– Create an abduction ‘safe room’ in your home and learn how to fight alien invaders
– A comprehensive analysis of alien invasion strategies and how humanity can defeat them
– A complete blueprint to the defending of our Solar System
Ooooo-la-loch ness.Nah. Nessie isn’t in this Calendar of Sexy Monsters, but many other sexy beasts are here. Like a werewolf, the Blob, Bigfoot, a Xenomorph, the creature from the black lagoon and more. That’s a monster a month and it lasts a whole year long. Which is coincidentally what I say about the wife’s menstrual cycle, but that’s another story. Gotta go rub her feet or she’s gonna beat me up again. The stairs! I mean, I’m gonna fall down the stairs. I’m just clumsy. Coming dear! Read more “Calendar of Sexy Monsters – Ooooh La Loch Ness”
You best learn how to survive the apocalypse. Cuz when it all goes down, you need to know how to navigate hordes of zombies,while poppin’ a cap in their heads with your pistol in one hand and slicing their heads clean off with a samurai sword in the other. You also have to learn how to keep finding twinkies and cheetos in the apocalypse, but that’s another story. Better stock up now is all I’m saying. This Zombie Survival Manual will tell you everything you need to know. I’m moving to the mountains right now and stocking up on TP. You should too.
This Alien Necktie has just left Saturn and is headed toward your anus. I mean Uranus. So… Just make sure you hide your hide. Like my dreams, this tie is full of little green men and stars. Your boss will hate it because it isn’t boring and stupid. Which is exactly why you will love it. That’s okay, cuz your boss is stupid. You know why? Cuz he doesn’t have this tie. Basically he sucks. Don’t be like him.
Do you have a baby? I bet it screams a lot and poops itself. I totally get that. I too have irritable bowel syndrome. Well, give your baby something to really scream about and put this Horror Character Lineup Baby Blanket in his or her crib. Cuz it’s never too late to scar your child for life and make some therapist filthy rich. It features Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, Michael Meyers and more. 
