Tag: octopus

Tentacle Hair Clips

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Tentacle Hair Clips
Is that a tentacle bursting out of your skull or are you just happy to see me? Both? Fair enough. Mind if I ask what shampoo you use? Is it Head, Shoulders and Tentacles? That would explain it. No, I don’t see any dandruff. I’m assuming your tentacles would have brushed any flakes away by now. I’m guessing you don’t wear hats. Ohhhh. Tentacle Hair Clips. I get it. Great accessory. I-

What the- Have I been hitting on a goddamn mannequin all this time? Why didn’t you guys say anything? Now, I feel stupid. I just thought she never blinked and was really fascinated by the conversation. What really sucks is this is the second time this happened to me. So I’m calling this incident Mannequin 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Octopus Tentacles Drinking Glass Set

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Octopus Tentacles Drinking Glass SetYou don’t need tentacles to grab onto this Octopus Tentacles Drinking Glass Set, but it helps. Especially after you’ve knocked back a few beers and are waving your tentacles all over the place, and accidentally dripping ink from your main tentacle. Happens to the best of us.

Tell me if you’ve heard this one. An octopus walks into an octopus bar and says “bartender, pour me a drink.” What did the bartender say? He didn’t say anything, cuz it is ridiculous. How can you pour a drink underwater? It makes no damn sense. Not even sure why I brought it up.

Kraken Attacking Submarine Pint Glasses

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Kraken Attacking Submarine Pint Glasses
Do you notice anything strange about this image here? I don’t know, just something out of the ordinary? Well, yes I know that these Kraken Attacking Submarine Pint Glasses look awesome cuz the Kraken is all like, “Say Uncle! Just stay down!” and is grunting and stuff, while the submarine is all like, “Stop giving me a noogie. I’m telling mom!”, but what else? Still don’t see it? Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all. I don’t want to be rude or anything. Psst! *Whispers* Somebody peed in that pint glass. And by the amber coloring and cloudiness, I would say they drank a full bodied ale and didn’t have any supper. Also, those kidneys are not happy. Look at all the froth!

Rat Crucifix Held Together By Octopus Tentacles With Machine Guns

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Rat Crucifix Held Together By Octopus Tentacles With Machine Guns
Are you as confused as I am? This Rat Crucifix Held Together By Octopus Tentacles With Machine Guns is pretty rat-icle. Is it about rats against violence? Octopi against rats doing violence? Rats against Octopus enslavement? I just don’t get what you’re trying to say. As a crucifix I’m pretty sure it would ward off something, I just have no idea what.

All I can say is, stay off the drugs kids. And if you don’t, make art I guess.

Octopus Shoulder Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Octopus Shoulder Bag
Got any spare change? Mind if I shove my hand in your Octopus Shoulder Bag and find out? This bag would be perfect for a girl named Mari. Cala-Mari. Carry this guy on your shoulder and you are gonna turn heads. Everyone’s gonna be making quite the octo-fuss over it. Are we sure it’s not a shock-to-pus, cuz it shocks me how awesome this thing is. And I don’t shock easy. Well, aside from tasers. Those shock me.
Read more “Octopus Shoulder Bag”