There’s nothing better than seeing your own reflection framed by a pair of skeletons just hanging around as if they’re admiring your beauty. And why wouldn’t they? That is one beautiful man-face if I do say so myself. I just realized that this Mirrored Skeleton Candle Holder would have the candle obscuring my face, but that’s okay, I’m secure enough in my good looks that no one can hold a candle to me. I don’t mean to wax on about it. Let me just light that candle and have one more look. Gotta lean in close and get a good gander. AHHHHH. IT BURNS! IT BURNS! And now you have heard the story of how I came to have a profession where I don’t need to show my face. Cuz now I have a face that’s only good for blogging and radio. Let this be a cautionary tale about unrestrained vanity and a man who peered too close to the sun for one last glimpse of perfection. JK I look effin beautiful. I make my livin’ off this face. I let blind people feel it so they can orgasm. True story.
Tag: odd
Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees Lawn Gnomes
These Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees Lawn Gnomes will make your garden a nightmare on elf street. Yeah, I know an elf is different than a gnome. You try to come up with clever word play after downing a pint of Nyquil! No, I don’t have a cold. Was just a night cap. Anyway, these horror icons want to hang out in your garden looking scary and gnomy. Hey, there;s nothing wrong with gnomes. Some of Hollywood’s best actors and actresses are gnomes. Like Gnomy Watts for instance. Great actress.
Rest In Peace Under This Queen Size Skull Crochet Blanket
This Queen Size Skull Crochet Blanket has more skulls than you can shake a guillotine at. Does that even make sense? I have no idea. I need a nap. This looks like a good blanket to take a nap in, just as long as it’s not your final resting place. Skulls everywhere. In many colors. It ticks off three boxes of the things I like best. Comfy. Cozy. Creepy.
4 Malformed Fetal Skeleton Specimens
On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…4 Malformed Fetal Skeleton Specimens. (And she wonders why I divorced her.) Or as I like to call them, Teenage Mutant Ninja Fetuses. You see that dude in the glass ball/lens thing there? Yeah, these guys are summoning him to be their next sacrifice, after which they will have a movie deal, appear in some video games and then abuse drugs and fade into obscurity.
Ugly Krampus Christmas Sweater Sweatshirt
Buck holiday traditions by wearing whatever the hell you want. Who wants a bright and colorful sweater when you can invite Krampus to the party and kick things up a notch? This Ugly Krampus Christmas Sweater features Krampus and his legendary tongue, some bells, pentagrams, trees, bones and more. It’s gonna be a Krampus Christmas up in this biatch! Better lock up your kids, cuz I have a sack that needs filling. God, that sounds so wrong. I’m just saying that the Kramp-man stuffs kids in sacks. Geesh.