Human Head Bookends Put Your Brains Where Your Books Are

Human Head Bookends Put Your Brains Where Your Books Are
Put your money where your mouth is, by putting your brains where your books are. These Human Head Bookends put their brains right up against your books. Too bad I still won’t remember what I just read. I have a photographic memory. I only remember stuff if I photograph it. *Picks up Polaroid of the inside of the refrigerator* Yep. I better get groceries.

The only downside is that the photo I thought was just a cool selfie of a handsome guy holding a camera, was actually a photo reminding me to get film. I couldn’t remember anything for like a month, which I spent in the fetal position crying. Until I found another selfie of me in the fetal position, with a note that said, “This has happened before, it will happen again. Man up biatch! Look in the cupboard.” And that’s where I found more film. Yay!

via Incredible Things

Creature From The Black Lagoon Lager

Creature From The Black Lagoon Lager
I don’t always drink Creature From The Black Lagoon Lager, but when I do, I put a bottle in each gill. Then I lean back with my arms out and let that sweet joy-juice paint my insides. Sadly there’s no actual alcohol in this bottle, but it will look good on your shelf. It’s awesome cuz the creature looks drunk. Like totally sauced. “Hiccup. Yeaz, so I’m the preacher of da black login. Just div us another drink. Hiccup. Just one more. For da rose, I mean road. I mean pond. Lagoon. Whatever. C,mon, I get dry on land.”

Skeleton LED Gloves

Skeleton LED Gloves
These Skeleton LED Gloves make your hands look like neon bones. I AM THE FUTURISTIC ROBOT SKELETON. Let’s get this rave started! Are raves still a thing? Do they rave about them? Does anyone have a spare pacifier I can borrow? One that hasn’t been in any orifices this time would be much appreciated. Yeah, very funny. Now turn down the lights and watch my hands do their thing!
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Lighting Most Fowl – Dancing Chicken Lamp

Lighting Most Fowl - Dancing Chicken Lamp
What poultry offering do I have for you this time? How about a Dancing Chicken Lamp? Does it do the hustle? The Charleston? The Elaine from Seinfeld? I have no idea.

All I know is that this chicken has paid it’s Per-Dues and is ready to dance the night away. So crank up the volume and play some funky nuggets and some free range beats. This lamp is feather-pluckin’ insane son!

Toad Horror Art Doll is Both Toady and Grody

Toad Horror Art Doll is Both Toady and Groady
Hey toady. You grody. To the max! This Toad Horror Art Doll is what happens when you think you’re a princess kissing a frog, but really you’re kissing a nasty toad. Hate when that happens. Look at that face honey child! I done toad you it was fugly. That tadpole turned a tad ugly. At least she’s all dressed up to meet a nice young man. Even though she never will. You can’t win if you don’t play.

Speaking of which, these scratch off tickets really suck. I’m almost at the end of this brick of 500 and I’m still broker than an ugly toad girl. I’m playing! I should win! WTF universe! WTF!? I don’t want to be writing this blog forever and looking at Princess Toadstool over here! She looks like toad stool alright!
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