What poultry offering do I have for you this time? How about a Dancing Chicken Lamp? Does it do the hustle? The Charleston? The Elaine from Seinfeld? I have no idea.
All I know is that this chicken has paid it’s Per-Dues and is ready to dance the night away. So crank up the volume and play some funky nuggets and some free range beats. This lamp is feather-pluckin’ insane son!
Check out this cool Palmistry Lampshade. If I was a Palmist I would be all like, “Talk to the hand cuz the face don’t understand.” And I would have palm trees all over my reading room. No, not those palm trees. Palm trees that have human palms on every branch. And I would take Palm Sunday off, just cuz that’s what a Palmist does. And I’ll put Palmolive on the table and say, “You’re soaking in it!” And I would be able to tell from your palm who killed Laura Palmer. How many palm jokes can one man right? I don’t know, but I’m on fire like Napalm!
Actually, I’m tuckered out now. Not gonna palm it off on someone else. Just gonna stop. Not even a hairy palm joke. But I will say that I have no qualms about hairy palms.
Seasons don’t fear the reaper. Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain… I fear that guy, cuz I’m not wind, sun or rain. Although I do break my share of wind both in the sun and in the rain so that others may fear the reaper. This awesome Grim Reaper Illuminated Wall Sculpture reminded me. It makes it look like the old Grimster is coming out of your wall, bearing a light like he just captured your soul.
Damn dude, why ya gotta bug me while I’m sitting at home surfing the internet? And what’s up with those ribs? You can decide who lives and who dies, but you can’t get a shirt that fits right? Actually, I hear ya on that one. My gut makes it a challenge. No, don’t cry! *Sigh* Fine, you hang right there and we can talk all about it. It’s gonna be okay. Now tell me all about it. There there. Don’t be so Grim! Maybe you should write your feelings down in a book. Maybe a grimnoir? I kid. I kid. You look like death warmed over.
Armadillo Lamp. For when you need an Armadillo and a lamp in one. It’s a lamp-adillo. A real fringe item. *Elbows you in the rib and points to the fringe.* Basically it’s a dead animal suspended for all time above a small burning sun, which would burn it’s insides if it had any left. Those are probably splattered all over some Texas highway.
Spent a week in Amarillo and met an Armadillo. Walked across the road and he got flat as a pillow. So I took him home and put him on the grill-o. Afterwards I cleaned it with a brillo. Pad.
I have no idea what I’m even typing. Bartender! Another drink. And no, I refuse to stop blogging in your establishment. Just lock up and I’ll find my own way flat onto my face. Same way you found me this morning.
Need some crib light? Get a rib light! Doctor, my lamp has stopped working! I need an IV stat! Get me those rib spreaders! Keep an eye on the patients vitals while I change the bulb!
Need a shade on your rib lamp? Then put some meat on your bones. The only thing missing is a pull cord to turn it on and off, that looks like an intestine. Only $100.
Read more “Rib Cage Accent Lamp: Ribbed For Your (Reading) Pleasure”