Nice Kraken! – Cthulhu Leggings

Nice Kraken! - Cthulhu Leggings
These Cthulhu Leggings put squishy and colorful tentacles all over your legs. They also accentuate your kraken if you know what I mean. *Checks myself out in the mirror.* Do these leggings make my Cthulhu look huge? No? Good. Gotta say, that shot of them head on kinda makes your lady parts look ferocious. I was gonna flirt with ya, but no effin way! My sea ship doesn’t need to be attacked by your she serpent!

On another note, everyone makes such a big deal out of Cthulhu, but he puts his pants on one tentacle at a time just like the rest of us. I ain’t impressed. Okay, I am impressed by just how many legs his pants actually have. And that when he wears them he looks like a spiky pufferfish with many arms.

Full Body Skeleton Halloween Costume

Full Body Skeleton Halloween Costume
Man, girls like this make me so nervous. I never know what to say. Nice Full Body Skeleton Halloween Costume. Seems like I can’t say anything without coming off like a jerk. I can’t tell her that I want to strip the bones off of her. Just sounds wrong. No matter how true it may be. Hey baby, you have some tight fitting bones! No, that won’t work. She does have a nice set of ribs on her though. This is the first time something has ever been ribbed for my pleasure. Just FYI. You see why I’m such a hit with the ladies? You should all be happy I spend my time writing this blog, rather than being slapped by you all day long. Bringing you the hits like this poison ivy costume.

Trick or Treat Hot Chicks Squad Skelly Statue

Trick or Treat Hot Chicks Squad Skelly Statue
Whoa. I think I found the perfect girl. Nice bones. This Trick or Treat Hot Chicks Squad Skelly Statue is gonna look great on my shelf as a constant reminder that I could never get a babe this hot. She’s like Harley Quinn’s weirder Halloween obsessed sister and I like that, who is about to swing that bat at your head. I guess I have a thing for bad girls. Man, I hope I run into the Hot Chicks Squad. They’re like the A-Team only hotter. Obviously.

Skeleton Hands Bra

Skeleton Hands Bra
Man, I love this skeleton hands bra. What? No, not for myself. Girls just look so sexy when old and decrepit bones are holding up their fun bags. Ask any gold-digger. Too bad I don’t know someone who bought this, cuz I would totally paint my hands all black with realistic bones and just cup them stealthily from behind until I got caught and eventually incarcerated. Now do you see why I don’t have anyone of the fairer sex in my life? It’s cuz I’m a real class act! True that!

Fairer sex! Pfft! If they’re so fair, why don’t any of them give me a chance?

Alien Couture: Cthulhu Dress

Alien Couture Cthulhu Dress
When I talk to Cthulhu I look him in the eye. And if I ever get a chance to talk to a girl wearing this Cthulhu Dress, I’m gonna look her in Cthulhu’s eyes too and compliment them. Get it? The eyes at where the boobies are. *Giggles.* You look lovely in that dress. It has awakened an ancient evil from down below, if you know what I mean. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. What I’m saying is, you have nice tentacles. I’m saying you’re a hot mess in a Cthulhu dress.

Wear these with some Kraken heels and I’m yours honey. You drive me insane. No really. It’s a short drive, but it’s full of potholes and toll roads. Let’s take tha road trip together.