Tag: shark

Shark Attack Spiked Wedges

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Shark Attack Spiked Wedges
*Sits down to dinner. Eyes the hot chick across from me. Immediately starts playing footsies and moving my eyebrows.* CHOMP! HOLY HELL! *Screams and puts my bloody stump on the table. Blood shooting everywhere.*

The hot chick smiles and puts both feet on the table, all decked out in their Shark Attack Spiked Wedges, looking proud of herself. She tells me I shouldn’t swim in shark infested waters, but I don’t hear her. I’m passed out from shock and loss of blood.
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Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle

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Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle
This Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle should be given out as an award to those who have logged the most time on the throne. Ha. Logged. I crack myself up. If you consider the toilet worthy of decoration, get yourself a gold shark. Man, I gotta get one someday. You know you’ve made it when you have a gold shark on the sh***er.

Like they say at the end of French movies….

Fin!

Jaws Bathing Suit

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Jaws Bathing Suit
I wonder why she’s still single. She has a great body. A beautiful face. I’m sure her personality is great. Maybe it’s the fact that SHE HAS A SHARK coming out of her nether regions thanks to this Jaws Bathing Suit. Bigger boat? I’m not going near that with an aircraft carrier. Yeah, I would pass too.

Nether regions. Heh. Fun word. Does that mean that all of those people in the netherlands are all pu**ies? I’m thinking maybe. I’d have to consult some book learning dude to know for sure. JK Netherlands. You know I love ya. I spent a week there one night in a one horse town where even the horse left.

Shark Attack Monster Mask

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Shark Attack Monster Mask
Shark attacks only go two ways. You can either be the one thrashing and getting sliced and diced or you can be the one doing the chomping. I recommend being the shark. Then again, I also recommended Preparation H to that guy at work a few years back just because he was an a**hole! That guy was my boss. He recommended I find other employment. So here I am, finding weird and cool stuff. How’s my blogging? Call 1-800-I-AM-SO-THE-MAN!

Anywho, everyone you approach with this Shark Attack Monster Mask will be afraid you are going to bite their face off. Bonus: It kinda looks like a badass shark/wizard. Be back later. I’m rolling up a new D and D character based on this thing. So what if I have to carry a staff with a sponge-end and water myself every 5 minutes. Gonna call him the Shiz-zard.
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Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper

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Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper
Damn that’s nasty. This Bloody Shark Bathtub Drain Stopper makes it look like a shark has swam up your bathtub pipe after a ferocious and bloody meal and just kinda got stuck there. Now he’s just hanging out, enjoying the suds from your bubbles, while you two make small talk. Hopefully he doesn’t get loose and start swimming toward your junk.

“What do you have detective?”

*Hovers over body in tub* “This is the second one this week. We appear to have a serial killer. One that likes to eviscerate nads while the victim is enjoying a nice bubble bath. Nothing else is touched. When he finishes his work, he drains the water and with it the evidence. Notice the blood wiped on this guy’s lips. It’s as if something very small and very bloody kissed him afterwards, all ritualistic like. Sicko!”

Fin!
(Haha. Get it? It means the end. Also shark fin! I rock. No…. I Rock Z. Ha ha. I did it again. Like the car. Iroc Z. Other writers can suck it!)