Tag: skull

Skull Planchette – A Skull For Your Spirit Board

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skull Planchette - A Skull For Your Spirit Board
Skull Planchette. It sounds like the name of a retired goth stripper. It’s not. It’s one of them fancy things you move around a Ouija Board while you are asking questions. Stuff like: Is there gonna be a sale on underwear at Target? Should I really pop that huge butt-zit or just let it get bigger? Cuz it hurts like hell.

This thing looks like it is screaming the whole time it glides around the board, highlighting letters. Like it wants you to put it out of it’s misery. Kinda like my marriage. No wonder I like it. I can relate to perpetual torment.

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants
Etsy seller floridxfauna is crazy about skulls. They are also coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs and likely have Pac-Man fever, but that’s beside the point. Check out these Skull Crystal Pendants. They make me feel like an archaeologist, except I didn’t have to dig all day to find one, only to discover that the damn thing has magic occult powers that the Nazis want. I hate Nazis!

Fun fact: You know how kids get words wrong? Yeah, I was the kid who shook my dice cup and screamed, “Nazi!” For some reason that was the last game of Yahtzee ever played in my house.

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Skull Bath Bomb with Hidden Brain Soap Inside

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skull Bath Bomb with Hidden Brain Soap Inside
This Skull Bath Bomb with Hidden Brain Soap Inside makes for a real relaxing bath. Unless I’m in the house with you. In which case, I’ll be busting in the bathroom yelling, “Bombs away!” as I toss a couple in your water, splashing it everywhere.

They’re bombs! What did you expect? Bath bombs! Meaning bombs for your bath! They don’t work unless somebody is tossing them like a grenade. By the way, these grenades have a brain inside, so you will be left bathing in brains. Were as I bathe with beauty. That’s why we’re such a good couple.

Raven Skull Belt Buckle

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Raven Skull Belt Buckle
This Raven Skull Belt Buckle has a one word comment to make about your sex life as it hangs over your junk ominously and pecks at your soul: Nevermore!

Wow! That skull just burned you good. Hey, I didn’t say it, the bird skull did.

It’s a pecker that holds up your pants. Everybody’s “raven” about it.
Read more “Raven Skull Belt Buckle”

Jack Skellington Ceramic Bowl

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Jack Skellington Ceramic BowlAt last, I can eat my cereal out of an angry skull. This Jack Skellington Ceramic Bowl will have you singing, “What’s this? What’s this?” and jumping around on your too long, bony legs. Then your dad will smack you and say, “It’s a bowl stupid! Now sit down and eat!” My dad tolerated no shenanigans at the breakfast table.

Just pour your cereal in his gaping mouth, pour in the milk and eat up. Even though you’re eating from a skeleton’s mouth and getting all of his icky skeleton germs. “What’s this? What’s this?” *Slap!* “It’s the skeleton flu cuz you been mouth to mouth-ing with old bones. Now shut up and eat!”