Ouija Board Cutting Board

Ouija Board Cutting Board
If I cut cheese on this Ouija Board Cutting Board, does that make it a Cheeja cutting board? Is that a cheesy joke? Anyhow, if you cut the cheese on a ouija board, it upsets the spirits. Boy did I learn that the hard way during a seance. Yeah, I woke the dead alright. The medium was gagging through a handkerchief, people passing out, the planchette just freaking out, whirling around the board and highlighting NO over and over and GOODBYE, like it wanted to commit suicide. I was the last one standing and I wasn’t invited back.

But enough about me. How have you been? It’s been so long. I feel like we never talk. K bye!

Godzilla Necktie

Godzilla Necktie
Stop stomping around the office you imbecile! And get those reports on my desk within the hour. Sorry boss, but this sweet Godzilla Necktie just kind of takes over, you know? I’m stomping around Tokyo. Those staplers and other company property that I just crushed with my feet? That’s Tokyo. I’ll get those reports to you within the hour sir.

Forty minutes later…

*Bursts through the bosses wall like the Kool-Aid man, with a loud monster shriek, flailing my arms as I drop the report on the desk.* I’m fired aren’t I? Yeah, I’ll just pack up my stuff. It’s been fun.

Ancient Cthulhu Tablet For Your Wall

Ancient Cthulhu Tablet For Your Wall
This Ancient Cthulhu Tablet will look great on your wall. Just one more step in making your home look like an ancient temple to the Elder God. I mean I already have a bunch of cultists chanting in the basement. They even managed to open a portal so that the ancient one can enter our realm. Except the only thing that came through was a weird three-legged frog dog so far. Hang on. *Can you guys stop chanting? I’m trying to blog here!* Where was I? I can’t concentrate with all of this noise coming from down below-

Oh poopy. Things just got dead silent. And a tentacle is reaching out from under the basement door. What is thy bidding my master? ACK! ACK! OKING ME! TENT! ACK! TENTACLE CHOKING ME!

The United States of Horror

The United States of Horror
Artist Laz Marquez has a cool art series called United States of Horror. Basically some classic movie monsters/villains and the states that they terrorize and murder in. So far it includes Freddy, Ghostface, Jason, and Leatherface. I guess there is probably a horror villain for every state, but I have no idea who the hell terrorizes Alaska. Oh yeah, isn’t that Sarah Palin? Oh, that is a scary place. If you want to buy a postcard set, find them here.
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Zombie Autopsy Key Chain

Zombie Autopsy Key Chain
This Zombie Autopsy Key Chain is made from a doll head. Probably Barbie herself. It will help you to never lose your keys again. Cuz how can you lose your keys when they are attached to a zombie with his brain showing? You know what I just noticed? They have one of those fancy flame printed keys. Sweet! Dude probably has a hot rod with a matching paint job.

That’s okay cuz my key matches my car too. They’re both sh**ty and rusty. But I ain’t bitter.