Look. A Critter Horror toy! Critters are the worst. You get with the wrong woman in the wrong part of town and you got nothin’ but critters all over your junk and the pharmacist is all like, “This’ll get rid of ’em” so you lather your firepole and bean bags up real good and nothin’. You still got critters everywhere, bitin’ and itchin’, making your junk feel like a whopper cuz it’s all flame broiled down there at this point. These guys are nasty.
Tag: strange
Clear Half Fetus For Your Wall
This Clear Half Fetus needs a womb with a view. You decorate with this thing and it will look like you got angry and just chucked a womb-y slimey fetus against the wall like it was a basketball and now it’s just embedded there. Nothing but net- *Splat* Oh nevermind. I like how it has that “in the womb” look. Icky and sticky. Somebody slap that things ass and hose it off. It’s a great conversation piece. If you have the womb for it.
I feel like it should have an umbilical cord hanging down that doubles as a phone though.
Scorpion Ear Wrap Earring
Excuse me Miss, you have something crawling on your ear. Uh… Too late. It’s in your ear now, swimming in your ear wax and pinching up your ear drum. *Cups hands together and yells* I said, there’s a scorpion in your ear. Why ya looking at me all dumb? Oh. Damn. It got to your brain now. Well, good luck with that. *Thud* Wow. Never saw a body collapse so fast. I’m out of here.
This Scorpion Ear Wrap Earring looks badass and it will rock you like a hurricane. No joke! Well, that was a joke, but scorpions in your ear is no joke at all.
Real Working Uncle Fester Lamp
This Real Working Uncle Fester Lamp is not just some dude that had a light bulb shoved in his word-hole cuz he wouldn’t shut up. It’s a real lamp based on the scene in The Addams Family. Now he can light up your room and your life. I think he needs sleep. Those bags under his eyes don’t look good. This thing is pretty creepy all lit up in the dark. I think it needs a lampshade that is a muzzle. That would be even scarier.
Life Size Poseable Skeleton
This Life Size Poseable Skeleton has locking joints so you can pose them anyway you want. You know what that means, right neighbors? That’s right, my skeletons are lewd and crude and full of attitude. And not to be misconstrued. You live next to me and you’re screwed. And now I ran out of rhyming words. But basically I’m saying that I’m posing ’em all nasty like. Deal with it. You have blinds.