Look. A Critter Horror toy! Critters are the worst. You get with the wrong woman in the wrong part of town and you got nothin’ but critters all over your junk and the pharmacist is all like, “This’ll get rid of ’em” so you lather your firepole and bean bags up real good and nothin’. You still got critters everywhere, bitin’ and itchin’, making your junk feel like a whopper cuz it’s all flame broiled down there at this point. These guys are nasty.
Posts Tagged critters
This Critter Trophy Head Replica is going to look good in your home. There’s nothing like a critter above your sh*ter. As long as they aren’t coming from the toilet we’re all good. These guys are seriously messed up. The only species in the galaxy that failed to evolve toward basic dental care. C’mon… I’m not gonna make a joke about the British. You guys…
I’ll put this critter on the wall and act all tough like I shot it myself, when really I hid in some bushes while my Safari guide took it down. That’s one thing you have to know about me, I’ll only talk tough and brave when I already have your head on the wall.
These Deep Sea Critter Lid Lifters are cool. You know what sea creatures hate? Pots that boil over. I know from personal experience because my wife is a raging sea hag and she can’t even cook a bowl of noodles. *dodges a bowl of flying boiling water* You missed me bi-
Update: Typing this from the library now because boiling water and blogging do not mix. Been picking boiled pasta from my keyboard for 2 hours. I’ll be headed to a Best Buy right after, so I can get screwed on a new laptop and no, if it doesn’t cover a rampaging wife from hell, I don’t want your warranty!
Anyway, where was I? Yeah, so these lid lifters look like sea creatures escaping from your boiling pot. That’s what all the food looks like in my house. Like me, everything just wants to escape her clutches. Looks like it’s going to be another night dining at Chez Kit-Kat with a side of Burger King. I better call Cthulhu and see if she simmered down before I head home. Also gonna get a waterproof case for my new laptop.