Tag: witch

Poisoned Apple Witch Spell

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Poisoned Apple Witch Spell
Cool. I always wanted to know how to make a poisoned apple. Now I can, thanks to this handy Poisoned Apple Witch Spell. Nah, I’m not gonna poison anybody. That would be bad. It’s just a good trick to know. Let’s say someone is going to mug me in an alley. I’ll offer the dude an apple. If he still mugs me, he deserves what he gets. He’ll take my wallet and a bite of apple before he runs off. Then I’ll just follow in the direction of where he ran, eventually stumble on his corpse and retrieve my wallet.

You took a bite of the apple son. I took a bite out of crime. Deal with it loser.

Or I could, you know, just display this thing in my house during Halloween. Yeah, that’s morally the better choice. Probably.

Scary Monster Marionettes

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Scary Monster Marionettes
Hey guys, let’s put on a puppet show. I know where we can get some cool and creepy marionettes. Marry Annette? I barely know her! Ohhhh marionettes. Now I get it. These Scary Monster Marionettes from CzechMarionettes are like the Muppets on steroids. I don’t mean they’re buff and strong, I mean they’re scary and awesome.

I’m gonna get the two grumpiest ones and have them make wisecracks from the balcony, while the others are on stage playing guitar and stuff. The seller has a bunch of neat marionettes. I’m gonna go make the cardboard sets. You guys come over when you’re ready. Don’t leave me hanging okay?
Scary Monster Marionettes

Scary Monster Marionettes

Scary Monster Marionettes

Scary Monster Marionettes

Scary Monster Marionettes

Scary Monster Marionettes

Scary Monster Marionettes

Amazingly Creepy Clutch Bags

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Amazingly Creepy Clutch Bags
Looking for a new clutch ladies? If so, can I interest you in these Amazingly Creepy Clutch Bags? By the way, if you’re looking for a Klutz, I just spilled my drink all over the counter and dropped M and M’s all over the place. Better get me while I’m still single. *Winks* These clutch bags are all so spooky and creepy, I thought I heard a witch cackle and the bubbling of a cauldron. But that was probably the crazy cat lady that lives next door. Great she’s watching a comedy and cooking a pot of chili. Again. The walls here are paper thin. Better get the gas mask since we also share a vent.

These clutch bags all have fun and spooky designs like bats, spiders and cemeteries.
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Weird Art: Don’t Take Candy From A Blind Witch

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Weird Art Don't Take Candy From A Blind Witch
Just don’t. She’s blind, so there’s no telling what she’s gonna give ya. Maybe a tootsie roll with dog hair stuck to it. Maybe a lollipop with a cigarette butt. Why would you trust a blind witch as your candy source?

Maybe she melted the lollipop and used it’s molten sugar to wax her chin hair, then re-melted it and gave it to you. What are you stupid? Just don’t do it. Heed the weird art my brothas and sistas!

Gothic Mansion Portraits Make Your Walls Weird

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Gothic Mansion Portraits Make Your Walls Weird
I don’t need this because my family portraits are all weird already, but these Gothic Mansion Portraits will put weirdos all over your walls. These Gothic Mansion Portraits will add an eerie air to the hallways and walls in your haunted house or office. You get two 65″ x 33.5″ sheets to make a scene over 5′ tall. Pretty freaky, therefore pretty awesome.

Now your house will look spooky and scary all year round. Note to whoever owns the Amityville house, your house already looks weird enough. Really. It has eyes. It can’t get any scarier.