Author: Artemis Winterford

Set of 4 Skeleton and Bones Wine Goblets

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Set of 4 Skeleton and Bones Wine Goblets
I said pour some wine in one of these Bones Wine Goblets, so’s I can down it in my own skull bartender, or so help me I will jump over this bar and lay the smack down. Sorry. You’re a Diva when I don’t drink. Here have a Snickers- *Jumps the bar and slaps the bartender senseless. Drinks.* That’s better. *Looks down at the unconscious bartender with the smushed snickers in his mouth* You have a snickers. *Tosses tip on him and leaves.*

No actual bartenders were hurt during this blog post. I just hate that commercial. Check out these Zombie Goblets too.
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Cool and Cute Day of the Dead Corkscrew

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Day of the Dead Corkscrew
Check out this Day of the Dead Corkscrew, looking like it’s about to do a cranekick, with it’s arms all out. A corkscrew like this makes it worthwhile getting drunk alone, while you color in your adult coloring book. I usually pass out with crayons in hand, and wine glass tipped over so everything is colored red. That’s my method. Seriously, that is one sexy corkscrew. He’s adorable! Hey, anyone that opens wine for me without drinking some is awesome.
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Guy Pulled Over For Speeding Has Alien Riding Shotgun

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Guy Pulled Over For Speeding Has Alien Riding Shotgun
So this guy in Alpharetta, Georgia was pulled over for speeding on Sunday afternoon and guess what? Dude had an Alien riding shotgun in the car. The car was clocked at 84 mph. Duh! It takes 88 to get the alien tech known as the Flux Capacitor to kick in, so that your ride turns into a UFO and you zip on out of here. Or become one with a tree. The tech isn’t that great to be honest. Dude was just trying to get ET back to his home planet. Only 4 miles off. My heart goes out to the now stranded outer space rim-prober. Now he’s stuck with us nut jobs forever.

Only 4 miles shy. Man, that has to suck!

Creepy and Just Wrong Political Swimsuits

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Creepy Political Swimsuits
Remember that Sexy Chest Swimsuit? Ewwww la la! Well, check out these Creepy Political Swimsuits from Beloved shirts. They got Trump for your bumps, Famous alleged muderess and liar Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and Vlad the Impaler. I mean Putin. You are gonna look so sexy sporting these at the beach. Why get one when you can get them all and go to the beach as that weird group who does that sort of thing. Look what Trump’s chin does to your lady bits!

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via Incredible Things

That Exists – Weird Catnip Cat Toy Fetus

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Cat Toy Fetus
Yep, that exists. A Cat Toy Fetus. Great precedent to set. Now cats are going to want to play with fetuses all the time. They’ll be attacking pregnant women just to get at the cat toy they are carrying inside. Great idea. They are gonna give upon mice in favor of their new favorite toy. The fetus. Meh. Whatevs. I guess. At this point I just have a de-fetus attitude.

Also get this fetus for your wall.