Whiskey. It’s what’s for dinner! That probably explains why my liver is the size of a- Wait. Where’d it go? Got so small it disappeared. One more drink outta bring it back. Check out these Horror Novel Whiskey Glasses. They have the opening lines of the books right there on the glass. Pretty cool. Now I can get literate while I’m getting s**t-faced. AKA s**t-erate! They have Frankenstein and Dracula. Hopefully they will add more so I can catch up on my reading while I’m pounding one back.
Author: Artemis Winterford
The Shining Redrum Horror Skirt
Hmmmm. I wonder what this The Shining Redrum Horror Skirt is all about. Hint: It’s about murder spelled backwards like a hundred times. Ladies, buy this and then always stand in front of a mirror when your husband is around. Don’t say a word. It will freak him out. Make sure you pack this if you ever travel to the Overlook hotel too. This skirt will be murder on your style. No, really. Redrum! Redrum!
Leather Skull Handbag
Grab this Leather Skull Handbag and get ready for a night on the town. The zipper on top is a nice touch, so you can give it a lobotomy every time you unzip it to get your lipstick. No one is gonna mess with a babe who carries a leather skull purse around. It’s got the three G’s ladies. It’s Girly, Goth and looks like the Gimp. In other words, it looks like somebody dug up a corpse who died while practicing bondage. In this case, practice did not make perfect.
Skull Bottle Chandelier
Hey guys, if I ever want to turn the light on and trip balls, remind me of this Skull Bottle Chandelier. Deal? Cool. It’s the Grim Reaper’s disco ball. He’s doing the disco duck and he don’t give a… cluck! It’s like the supreme counsel of the universe just teleported in for a visit and said, bodies? Where we’re going we don’t need bodies! Just bring your head and enjoy the ride. The supreme leader of intergalactic buttholes has his skull projected on the ceiling. Yes my master! What is thy bidding?
Human Teeth Cufflinks
Sure, you could wear Human Teeth Cufflinks to a fancy event… Or you could just make them on scene, which is the method I prefer. Usually I just punch somebody in the mouth, and hide in the closet with the unconscious and now toothless victim while I am attaching teeth to my cufflinks with a hot glue gun. Then I snap my cuffs, adjust my tie and leave like James Bond. I’m all about the instant DIY.
Then when I leave I find the same guy and punch him again and hot glue them back in his face, cuz I always give back. I’m not a dick.