I’m giving this Gothic Raven Necklace to someone, but not because I like them. It’s cuz I want to give them the bird and also cuz I lost my bird-giving fingers in an accident. The accident was letting that guy see me flipping him the bird. So he made sure my birds never took flight again by bending them back. My birds are in casts. Oh, they’ll fly again. And when they do it is going to be majestic.
Author: Artemis Winterford
This Area 51 Wood Sign Does Not Exist
I’m gonna hang this Area 51 Wood Sign outside of my room so that no one will disturb me while I’m reverse-engineering UFOs and doing remote viewing experiments. Pffft! I remote view all the time. It’s not like I can channel surf without a remote. Duh! Anyway, that stuff is all classified. I’ve said too much. My room does not officially exist, but that’s mostly cuz it’s my mom’s basement. Gotta go. There’s a telepathic abducting butt-pirate in a cage and he owes me some answers about a warp drive in exchange for a Twix bar.
Edward Scissorhands Heart Necklace
This Edward Scissorhands Heart Necklace is the perfect accessory. Oh Edward, please be careful. You have my heart in your hands. *snikt. snikt.* And there goes another Valentine’s Day corpse that Edward has to dispose of. Never give your heart to a dude with scissor hands. Soft plushy hands maybe. Never scissor hands. What, are you crazy? What did you think was going to happen? Scissor hands are sharp. Come to think of it, how does he even pee? No way he has a weiner at this point!
Do They Come In Medium? – Custom Ouija Board Heels
Damn girl. These Custom Ouija Board Heels are looking good. You are definitely communicating with my spirit. Oooooo baby, move your planchette all over my board. Ask me anything. I’m not sure if they will fit you though. Are you a medium? That’s just a little paranormal joke. These shoes have soul baby, but when you put your feet in them, they are sole crushing. Get it?
Drink Up With These Crazy and Gross Monster Mugs
Damn, these Monster Mugs from ScravisMugs are ugly. Those are some faces only a mother could love, even if that mother did have to take ’em down to the river and drown them cuz they so ugly. My beer better not taste like monster brains. At least I can have some company when getting drunk now thanks to these ugly heads. I will have an ugly head to drink from and the mug will have an ugly head drinking from it. We were made for each other.
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